The answer doesn't always have to do with being GAY!

I had a really rough week this week. I broke down in Florida while there for some work and play. Repairs, rental car, frustrations, and then I came back to Atlanta to an overloaded in box, employees with unresolved issues, vendors and clients that needed my attention. My finances and emotions were pretty drained. My 15 year old daughter called Friday afternoon and at about the same time I actually realized just how RAW my emotions were from the previous week. "Daddy, there's this COOL concert and its ONLY $50, can you send the money?" That was the last thing I wanted to hear at that moment when I was an hour late leaving from work already and not having had the best week. I didn't handle it well. She knew I was not in a great mood.

I've spent a lot of time worrying about how my being gay affects my children who live in a very small town where I was very well known. I've worried about how their morals, values, and religious views are being formed living in an area where it is really NOT ok for your Dad to be gay. Luckily for me, I've been very well accepted or tolerated depending on the person. I still worry about them.

Friday afternoon I realized that with all my worries about being gay and how it affects my children, I let a hard week affect both of us more. How crazy is it that being gay has been a GOOD "status symbol" with her friends. She's doing a play right now where there are two of her high school buddies who are gay. How wonderful is that? What I sometimes forget is that being a Dad to my children is LEAST about my being gay and more about showing them the right way to handle bad days and weeks. Its about loving them no matter what. Friday reminded me that its also about how to correct the bad end to a bad week and showing my daughter that I'm human. At the end of the day, she sent me a text message that read: "Daddy, I don't tell you this enough but I love you more than you will ever know. "

All I know is that after I dried my tears, I thanked God for reminding me that sometimes you even have to tell your children you're sorry. What a great start to a weekend and a new week!

Give your children some credit....they are smart!

A few years back at the end of my first relationship after my marriage ended, my daughter and I sat down to watch TV one night. Before starting the show we were going to watch I turned to her and asked her if she knew something about me that we had never discussed. I'm from a small town, people talk and I had just finished a 3 year relationship with someone who had a son who was 5-8 years old while we were together and he didn't want to come out during that time. My daughter just looked at me. I said..you DO know that I'm gay don't you? She said..DUH Daddy...you lived with a partner for 3 years! I said to her "but we slept in separate rooms when you were there". Her comment was simply "And you thought you were fooling somebody?" lol. At the time she was 12. I was just sitting there stunned. I figured being from a small town she would have heard people talk, but I really thought I had kept something quiet from her all that time. Kids really are perceptive. They see right through us when we have problems or are in trouble. They usually know that we are down or hiding something. I'm not saying that we need to share with them all of our struggles or drama. I do think that we need to be honest with them when they ask questions and at least give them the minimum information we can at that moment so they see that we are sharing with them. How else can we expect them to be honest with us and share with us when they need to. My daughter turns 16 this July and I'm proud to say that she has asked to march in the Pride parade with me this year. Yes, sometimes kids are a lot smarter than we think. Sometimes they can teach us a lesson.

Introduction!

This is my first posting here so I thought that I would introduce myself and why I'm here. I'm a new board member with Mega Family in Atlanta. I'm the Facilitator for the Gay Fathers of Atlanta. I guess I'm the "odd one out" in this arena as a divorced gay father of two wonderful young adults. What we have in common is that we want our lives and the lives of our children to get better every day. I'm very much an advocate for GLBT individuals and families rights. If you had asked me 6 years ago I would have said you'd lost your mind. Five years and a few months ago all that changed. I came out with a "bang" in a very small town, divorced, and left a place I had lived for 37 years and was very much a part of that town and everything that town represented. I thought my life would never be the same again and in many ways I was right. I was one of the lucky ones! I have 99% of the friends I did then and hopefully 100% if not more of the respect of those that I had when I was married. I talked openly about where I was, where I had been and where I hoped I was going (though at that time I had no idea where I WAS going). I kept my main focus on my children and myself trying to make sure we all made it through this process with as few scars as possilble. I never forgot that I was divorcing someone who for 17 years had trusted me to be a loving and faithful husband. Two years later when our facilitator had some family issues to deal with I took over as the Facilitator for the Gay Fathers of Atlanta. Looking back I realize how important it was for me when I first came out to see that men who were in various stages of their divorce, coming out, moving on experience, were dealing with everything and how they kept going in spite of what can be some really huge obstacles. What I know today is that without them I would be a different person. Without those role models (mostly good..lol) I would not have been able to become who I have and am becoming. I know that I owe a debt of gratitude to those who went through this before me and were willing to share their stories of ups and downs so that I could possibly know what to expect and to see examples of how to handle certain situations. Today, my goal is simple. I want to be an example of a good, respectful, gay citizen and father. Please, we all have things about us we don't want to share with the world, but sometimes its those very things that help someone else through their own issues. I look forward to sharing my feelings and thoughts on gay fatherhood and other issues as I navigate my way through the coming days. I also welcome any questions or thoughts from readers that might have experienced or be experiencing similar situations. My son is 20 and my daughter is 15 and are the main reasons I exist. My daughter says my role in life is to keep her happy...lol. At least I have a purpose. Until next time....