As Morghan has nearly made it through her first year of middle school, I'd have to say, for now at least, I still have my sweet girl. What I have noticed a tad more of, though, is the self-comparison and the avoidance of standing out...this is all typical of her age group and it doesn't worry me in the least. However...as a lesbian mom (who looks gay, too...LOL), I have found myself struggling to maintain that balance of being true to myself while allowing her to have some say in what she chooses to share with her peers and what she keeps private.
Farther from the perimeter than I'd like to be is our community...one which, has many transplants and diversity in population...yet, still has a strong, traditional, old South, Republican base. So...it isn't the same as walking around Decatur where there's lesbian-headed households on every block.
So, back to the part about not sticking out...Morghan knows a lot of other gays...through me. She hasn't actually made a friend who goes home to LGBT parents (that we know of). Well...add the part that...for a few months, we didn't see much of Kristin. So, much of the time, her friends would only see me. Now, though, they are seeing both of us at home many weekends. Morghan has shared with me that her friends "ask questions" and she doesn't often like to answer them. I've told her that she could decide what to tell her friends, but that (in keeping with a value I am trying to instill in the kids) I am still going to be me. In other words, I wouldn't show affection in front of her peers, but I also wasn't going to grow my hair back out, start wearing more feminine clothes, or even have a fake boyfriend as a cover. She was understanding of it, but didn't seem completely comfortable having a different household from everyone else.
Well, last week she was at a friend's house. She called me to ask if her friend could come home with her and spend the night. I said, "but Kristin is here...Don't you think she'll ask about her?"
Morghan replied, "I think she knows anyway."
"Really?" I asked. "What has been her reaction?" I didn't realize Morghan was on speakerphone. At that point, her friend chimed in.
"I already know. It doesn't matter to me," the friend said. Morghan proceeded to explain she was okay with it, because she knows a girl couple in 7th grade. Haha.
So....that was really cool. It's a milestone to me...that she was able to say it in front of her friend, and not wonder what reaction she'll get at the sight of me and Kristin.