November is National Adoption Month, and President Obama used part of his proclamation to urge equality in adoption laws so that more children can find good homes:
"America is a country rich in resources and filled with countless caring men and women who hope to adopt. These individuals come from all walks of life, united in their commitment to love a child who is in need of the protective arms of a parent. We must do more to ensure that adoption is a viable option for them. By continually opening up the doors to adoption, and supporting full equality in adoption laws for all American families, we allow more children to find the permanent homes they yearn for and deserve."
President Obama's statement about equality in adoption is very promising for LGBT people wanting to adopt and who are currently discriminated against. The president seems to understand that the staggering number of children stuck in the foster care system could be placed in permanent, loving homes if LGBT Americans were not discriminated against in the adoption process.
A partial answer comes in Congressman Pete Stark's bill to cut off funds to states and entities that discriminate in their adoption laws. The President seems to be sending a signal that he would support a bill like Stark's, but nothing is concrete at this point.
This proclamation by the president gives us good reason to celebrate and feel optimistic about the future of adoption in America.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Parenting: The Most Awesome Experience
| No one can adequately explain what it means to become a parent. If you've seen Marley & Me (which I don't recommend for pet lovers), there is one scene where Jennifer Anniston's character is losing her mind trying to juggle the needs of her children with her own, and her husband doesn't know what to do to make things better and gets the brunt of her frustration. I remember feeling like Anniston's character when my daughter was a baby. I always thought I had an easy baby compared to other babies, but my daughter had her uniqueness that made my life a lot harder. From the beginning, Maggie didn't like to sleep in a crib, so we created a makeshift bed for her in the bottom of her pack-and-play (of course, we had purchased a $500 crib since it was our first child—read, money down the drain). Only someone who has tried to get babies down can tell you how hard it is to get a baby from your arms asleep to the bottom of a pack-and-play without waking her up (it's a physics problem). She woke up more times than not, and we would start the process all over again on many, many blurry nights. Did I mention my daughter wouldn't let me sit down when I held her? Yeah, we bought the top of the line glider chair before she was born, and it too, just collected dust. I had thought we would have so many special moments of me rocking her to sleep in that chair, but the reality is she would scream every time I went to sit down with her. She had to be held standing up which makes for one very tired momma. My favorite phase was when she would not allow me to put her down for even a second for the entire day. I mean this child would scream if I put her on a blanket so I could pee, or try to make myself something to eat. So, I learned to do things like pee with a baby on my lap, which is a little awkward, but all part of the joy of my parenting experience. During that phase, I remember staring out at my driveway around 6pm for my wife to pull up from work. It always seemed like it took forever for her to get home, but as soon as she walked in the door, I would hold out the baby with pain in my muscles and tears in my eyes saying "please, just take her.' I love my little girl more than life itself, but it was really hard taking care of her every need and ignoring most of mine. On top of it all, I was supposed to be working from home the entire time. So, I would do the conference calls on mute, type one-handed e-mails, work late into the night, stress about what I wasn't getting done, and start all over again the next day. The first 18 months of my daughter's life are a blur. I look back at photos of her when she was that small and long to have just one day with her again when she was so tiny and precious. I can barely remember her as the cute little baby she was. I am ashamed to remember how when she was so dependent on me, I just wanted her to get bigger and less dependent. I wanted her to walk so I didn't always have to carry her. I wanted her to talk so I could know what the hell she wanted some of the time instead of always guessing. I wanted her to start school so I could have some time to focus more on my work. Maggie is four now, and I can't get that little adorable baby back. Though she is even more adorable now, she weighs 40 pounds, has lots of opinions, and doesn't need me nearly as much. Just the other day she begged to go over to her friend's house to play instead of spending family time with her moms. My wife and I were a little hurt, but the reality was we both had work to do, so it was okay. We know she is a very social child, and this is probably just a sprinkle of what's to come. Parenting is an awesome experience, and one that goes by quickly. As one friend stated, you go through some very long days and quick years. It is tough, but most of us survive wearing an invisible badge of honor that only other parents can see. I wouldn't change having my daughter for anything, and I wholeheartedly recommend parenting to anyone who enjoys sharing your life with a real live little angel. Join us at the May 16th Creating a Family: Choices for Prospective LGBT Parents workshop to learn more about becoming a parent. Go to http://www.megafamilyproject.org to learn more |
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Help spread the word: free coming out group this Thursday!
The MEGA Family Project Presents Our Monthly Coming Out Support Group: Coming Home Support Group! April 16th, 7pm
Finally the Metro Atlanta area has a free coming out group for adults 18+. Coming Home will meet the 3rd Thursday of each month from 7-8:30pm. It will meet at the Florence McDonnell Center which is at 2215 Cheshire Bridge Road, NE Atlanta, 30324. This group is open to anyone at any stage of their coming out process. Whether you want to discuss being out at work, with your family, church, synagogue, friends, or whether you have been out for a number of years, please join us this Thursday for our open, drop in support group. Questions, please contact Melissa Thompson at 404-658-1222 Ext 5, Dee Desnoyer at 404-816-7171 Ext 24, or Jen Bertasi at 404-377-3010. This is such a valuable and much needed resource for our community, so please pass this information along to anyone you think will be interested. You do not need to rsvp to attend. We hope to see you this Thursday at this great resource for the community. Kathy Kelly Executive Director MEGA Family Project 404-808-3350 Support, Education, and Advocacy for Georgia's LGBT Families and Our Children. |
Thursday, April 09, 2009
A Small Victory for Mom(s)
As Morghan has nearly made it through her first year of middle school, I'd have to say, for now at least, I still have my sweet girl. What I have noticed a tad more of, though, is the self-comparison and the avoidance of standing out...this is all typical of her age group and it doesn't worry me in the least. However...as a lesbian mom (who looks gay, too...LOL), I have found myself struggling to maintain that balance of being true to myself while allowing her to have some say in what she chooses to share with her peers and what she keeps private.
Farther from the perimeter than I'd like to be is our community...one which, has many transplants and diversity in population...yet, still has a strong, traditional, old South, Republican base. So...it isn't the same as walking around Decatur where there's lesbian-headed households on every block.
So, back to the part about not sticking out...Morghan knows a lot of other gays...through me. She hasn't actually made a friend who goes home to LGBT parents (that we know of). Well...add the part that...for a few months, we didn't see much of Kristin. So, much of the time, her friends would only see me. Now, though, they are seeing both of us at home many weekends. Morghan has shared with me that her friends "ask questions" and she doesn't often like to answer them. I've told her that she could decide what to tell her friends, but that (in keeping with a value I am trying to instill in the kids) I am still going to be me. In other words, I wouldn't show affection in front of her peers, but I also wasn't going to grow my hair back out, start wearing more feminine clothes, or even have a fake boyfriend as a cover. She was understanding of it, but didn't seem completely comfortable having a different household from everyone else.
Well, last week she was at a friend's house. She called me to ask if her friend could come home with her and spend the night. I said, "but Kristin is here...Don't you think she'll ask about her?"
Morghan replied, "I think she knows anyway."
"Really?" I asked. "What has been her reaction?" I didn't realize Morghan was on speakerphone. At that point, her friend chimed in.
"I already know. It doesn't matter to me," the friend said. Morghan proceeded to explain she was okay with it, because she knows a girl couple in 7th grade. Haha.
So....that was really cool. It's a milestone to me...that she was able to say it in front of her friend, and not wonder what reaction she'll get at the sight of me and Kristin.
Farther from the perimeter than I'd like to be is our community...one which, has many transplants and diversity in population...yet, still has a strong, traditional, old South, Republican base. So...it isn't the same as walking around Decatur where there's lesbian-headed households on every block.
So, back to the part about not sticking out...Morghan knows a lot of other gays...through me. She hasn't actually made a friend who goes home to LGBT parents (that we know of). Well...add the part that...for a few months, we didn't see much of Kristin. So, much of the time, her friends would only see me. Now, though, they are seeing both of us at home many weekends. Morghan has shared with me that her friends "ask questions" and she doesn't often like to answer them. I've told her that she could decide what to tell her friends, but that (in keeping with a value I am trying to instill in the kids) I am still going to be me. In other words, I wouldn't show affection in front of her peers, but I also wasn't going to grow my hair back out, start wearing more feminine clothes, or even have a fake boyfriend as a cover. She was understanding of it, but didn't seem completely comfortable having a different household from everyone else.
Well, last week she was at a friend's house. She called me to ask if her friend could come home with her and spend the night. I said, "but Kristin is here...Don't you think she'll ask about her?"
Morghan replied, "I think she knows anyway."
"Really?" I asked. "What has been her reaction?" I didn't realize Morghan was on speakerphone. At that point, her friend chimed in.
"I already know. It doesn't matter to me," the friend said. Morghan proceeded to explain she was okay with it, because she knows a girl couple in 7th grade. Haha.
So....that was really cool. It's a milestone to me...that she was able to say it in front of her friend, and not wonder what reaction she'll get at the sight of me and Kristin.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Get a fantastic deal on a Rosie cruise to Alaska this summer! Last day to bid!
Rosie's R Family Vacation Summer Alaskan Cruise 2009!
 MEGA Family Project is delighted to offer up for auction a dream vacation on Rosie's R Family Vacation Summer Cruise! July 11th-18th, leaving out of Seattle to Alaska and British Columbia! Kathy Kelly has been on the cruise 3 times since her daughter was 5 months old. "It is truly an amazing experience. The Alaskan cruise is by far the most beautiful cruise. You will see some of the most beautiful scenery ever, while on board an amazing cruise ship where everyone feels welcome and accepted, and the entertainment and activities are spectacular. I can't say enough how wonderful this cruise was for our family." Click here to bid on this great auction: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=140299842354 This cruise was generously donated by R Family Vacations for their Summer cruise--July 11-18th, leaving from Seattle, WA. Cruising with R Family Vacations is the absolute best way to cruise as a family. It is a floating city with lots of gay families, celebrities, and wonderful straight friends. The entertainment is always fantastic. The kid's programing at all ages is wonderful. There are special shows just for kids, along with a kid's club where your kids can hang out. There's lots of adult and family-friendly programing for every day. This is the type of vacation where you can feel completely comfortable bringing along your parents, extended family and friends --everyone is welcome (gay or straight)! Go to the R Family Vacation website to get a better idea of the specifics for this cruise at: http://www.rfamilyvacations.com Click here to bid on the auction: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=140299842354  This donated cruise includes an Outside Room with an Ocean View for up to 4 people. When you travel on the R Family Cruise, your food and entertainment is included unless you want to do something special (and it is freestyle dining, so it is informal and flexible). Air fare is not included, so you will have to get yourself to Seattle and back.  Tax and gratuities are also not included. When on board, you are not expected to tip any of your servers (and there will be many) because you pay an upfront gratuity charge of $10 per person/per day on board, and you will be responsible for taxes of $178 per person at booking (which also includes all port taxes). Please keep in mind you will be responsible for the per person taxes and gratuities charge, and all extras on board (like alcohol, massages, casino, etc). Click here to bid: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=140299842354 This donated portion of this cruise is worth $3896, and the proceeds go to the MEGA Family Project's programs and services. Please bid generously to support the organization, and make sure you tell your friends who might be interested. |
Monday, January 05, 2009
Gays Aren't Accepted by God, Right?
Well, of course we are...after all, most of us feel born this way, right? If God is all about deep, spiritual love, then wouldn't that love run way deeper than gender, chromosomes, body parts, hormones and all?
Let me preface my "spiel" by saying I am only describing my own personal journey. In no way am I trying to be a crazy evangelist who prescribes "correct lifestyles" to others. I just know what is reaching me now, but I also recognize that what works for my journey doesn't necessarily work for everyone else's.
I grew up in the Roman Catholic church (no offense to anyone of that religion). My Nana...bless her heart...was a native of Ireland, and you could say she was "hard core" about the religion. So...being raised in the religion, there was so much attention drawn to sin. So much emphasis is placed on repentance and unworthiness. To have just about any enjoyment of the world is considered sinful. Even thinking so much about the sin is considered sinful to them.
In my early 20s, going to college really opened my mind to other philosophies. It's amazing how that small commuter college in Augusta, GA brought a variety of people to me (Maybe it was the local military base...which later became the place that supplied me with women...haha). To shorten this already long story, I started thinking critically and I pulled away from the Catholic church. A few years later, when my straight-wannabe marriage fell apart, I got the courage to just be me...which includes being a lesbian. Though I never denied the existence of God, I threw away the idea of church altoghter. It's not that I needed a church to help me understand what I believe...but with all the negativity that pollutes our earthly lives, I definitely needed a place to find support for my spiritual journey and to be around others who also seek spiritual renewal as I do. The weekend before Thanksgiving, I gave it a shot.
The church I've been attending is not what is "typical" of mainstream religion. It's not a place to go to be told how to act. It's not a place to be told what horrible hellbound sinners we all are. It's more or less a spiritual gym for me, where I can focus on my journey to a deeper level of existence, to be filled with purpose and to put it into action. For those enemies I seemed to make in recent years...for those whom I feel have misjudged me or simply dislike me....nobody has come to dislike me more than myself. I feel, in the past month, though, I've started being my own best friend again. So...at this point...as I felt the energy of the Holy Spirit permeate my own energy this morning...and, as Carla puts it...I was "getting down with the Lord up inside the church" (or something like that)...it felt great. It came to me that all along, I've been avoiding the work of the higher powers, insisting on the "I'll do it all by myself" attitude. But, you know...help from the Lord doesn't usually come directly from him. For example, a person in financial trouble might pray for help...but of course a stack of cash won't drop from the sky. However, help might come in the form of a lower-than-expected energy bill, the plummeting gas prices, etc. That was not my particular problem, but merely an example. I can say, for myself, I've made such a huge deal about retaining my pride and leaning on nobody. For example, I often refused to ask for any help or suggestions whenever the kids drive me crazy, because as a single parent, I've put more pressure on myself to make sure they have just as good a life as kids with 2 parents in the home. You know what, though? Two parent homes aren't without drama either. Another issue I REALLY started to struggle with this year is my emotions...often, I felt I couldn't just admit how I felt about things...and even felt I couldn't grieve over my Nana...because I worried everyone would dismiss me as bipolar anyway and invalidate me. Yes, that has happened, but I now realize that most people don't actually make that assumption. Just like any other person, I have my ups and downs. Also, of course, there were relationship issues and failures for me...and I attribute a lot of it (though not all) to my insistence of independence, rather than interdependence. I was so busy protecting my heart and my ego...plus, I didn't like myself and I couldn't understand why anybody would like me either.
The pattern of existence I described above was anything but productive for me and anyone around me. I seemed to slip just a little more as time passed...not realizing I was slipping...and I couldn't figure out why I felt so heavy, why my heart was so gloomy, why I had become such a pessimist, or why physically, I was getting fatigued and having chronic (nagging, but not debilitating) pain. I will admit something I wouldn't admit then...I told Kristin that something had to change in my life...that I just didn't feel I could go on at the rate I was. I'd wake up in the mornings already exhausted by whatever the day had in store. I had so many moments I wished I could disappear to an isolated place...and even more scary, I had moments I wished I just didn't exist at all. I knew my spirit needed renewal.
A day after I composed my "renewal" blog, I attended church service for the first time. They spoke so much of restoration. Yes, it feels like the service is all about me. Haha. At any rate, from the first morning I attended, I knew something had changed inside me...like a bulk of the burden was lifted. I didn't necessarily know why, except it felt like the mega-responsibilities I'd placed on my...well, responsibilities, had not seemed so tough. I had expected I should be this wonderful parent who never screws up...and that when my kids make mistakes, it's all my fault. I had also expected that as an alternative school teacher, I should be helping kids straighten their lives out and that...after a few months, they would be all better if I was really doing a good job...that, on top of the fact that special ed kids should achieve the same level as regular ed (riiiight), and dyslexic kids would suddenly read and write well, kids with math problems would suddenly do algebra, and kids with ADHD would suddenly sit still like the cherubs within. Hahaha! Yeah, as I type, I see how crazy I let things get. Even back in the day as a counselor, I felt I wasn't doing my job if my clients had setbacks or didn't get "cured" after years of serious problems. Yep, I can see where I put so much on myself to control aspects of human life that weren't meant for me to control. So...I'm not saying that was all my problem, but that was definitely A HUGE BULK of it. I set incredible expectations for myself and those around me, thinking I could singlehandedly change everything and everyone for the better...almost as if I were the one in charge of the world. Without divine intervention, though, I couldn't even help myself. Without allowing those who cared about me to be supportive in whatever way (even friends who simply give lots of hugs), I was also blocking light that God intended for me.
A song that once was, but no longer is, my theme song is "I am a Rock" by Simon and Garfunkel. I really truly used to give myself pep talks with that song. It has lines such as "I touch no one and no one touches me...I have no need for friendship, friendship causes pain ...If I never loved, I never would have cried...I have my books and my poetry to protect me," and "The rock feels no pain...and the island never cries." Yeah, of course I had tons of emotions, but I'd deal with them with my handy-dandy "quick-release button" located somewhere deep inside me. If a situation hurt me, I'd simply disconnect from the person or people associated. I'm sure I've burned more than my fair share of bridges in my lifetime...Anyway...it feels good to have installed more lightbulbs in my heart. It feels good to be filled with spirit again...to feel alive...to feel loved and to feel capable of loving.
Again, I'm not trying to push this on anyone...just sharing a blessing that overpowers my struggles. You don't have to be straight to be loved by God. All too often, those against our civil rights use God as a way to justify their intolerance. I just don't feel he agrees.
Let me preface my "spiel" by saying I am only describing my own personal journey. In no way am I trying to be a crazy evangelist who prescribes "correct lifestyles" to others. I just know what is reaching me now, but I also recognize that what works for my journey doesn't necessarily work for everyone else's.
I grew up in the Roman Catholic church (no offense to anyone of that religion). My Nana...bless her heart...was a native of Ireland, and you could say she was "hard core" about the religion. So...being raised in the religion, there was so much attention drawn to sin. So much emphasis is placed on repentance and unworthiness. To have just about any enjoyment of the world is considered sinful. Even thinking so much about the sin is considered sinful to them.
In my early 20s, going to college really opened my mind to other philosophies. It's amazing how that small commuter college in Augusta, GA brought a variety of people to me (Maybe it was the local military base...which later became the place that supplied me with women...haha). To shorten this already long story, I started thinking critically and I pulled away from the Catholic church. A few years later, when my straight-wannabe marriage fell apart, I got the courage to just be me...which includes being a lesbian. Though I never denied the existence of God, I threw away the idea of church altoghter. It's not that I needed a church to help me understand what I believe...but with all the negativity that pollutes our earthly lives, I definitely needed a place to find support for my spiritual journey and to be around others who also seek spiritual renewal as I do. The weekend before Thanksgiving, I gave it a shot.
The church I've been attending is not what is "typical" of mainstream religion. It's not a place to go to be told how to act. It's not a place to be told what horrible hellbound sinners we all are. It's more or less a spiritual gym for me, where I can focus on my journey to a deeper level of existence, to be filled with purpose and to put it into action. For those enemies I seemed to make in recent years...for those whom I feel have misjudged me or simply dislike me....nobody has come to dislike me more than myself. I feel, in the past month, though, I've started being my own best friend again. So...at this point...as I felt the energy of the Holy Spirit permeate my own energy this morning...and, as Carla puts it...I was "getting down with the Lord up inside the church" (or something like that)...it felt great. It came to me that all along, I've been avoiding the work of the higher powers, insisting on the "I'll do it all by myself" attitude. But, you know...help from the Lord doesn't usually come directly from him. For example, a person in financial trouble might pray for help...but of course a stack of cash won't drop from the sky. However, help might come in the form of a lower-than-expected energy bill, the plummeting gas prices, etc. That was not my particular problem, but merely an example. I can say, for myself, I've made such a huge deal about retaining my pride and leaning on nobody. For example, I often refused to ask for any help or suggestions whenever the kids drive me crazy, because as a single parent, I've put more pressure on myself to make sure they have just as good a life as kids with 2 parents in the home. You know what, though? Two parent homes aren't without drama either. Another issue I REALLY started to struggle with this year is my emotions...often, I felt I couldn't just admit how I felt about things...and even felt I couldn't grieve over my Nana...because I worried everyone would dismiss me as bipolar anyway and invalidate me. Yes, that has happened, but I now realize that most people don't actually make that assumption. Just like any other person, I have my ups and downs. Also, of course, there were relationship issues and failures for me...and I attribute a lot of it (though not all) to my insistence of independence, rather than interdependence. I was so busy protecting my heart and my ego...plus, I didn't like myself and I couldn't understand why anybody would like me either.
The pattern of existence I described above was anything but productive for me and anyone around me. I seemed to slip just a little more as time passed...not realizing I was slipping...and I couldn't figure out why I felt so heavy, why my heart was so gloomy, why I had become such a pessimist, or why physically, I was getting fatigued and having chronic (nagging, but not debilitating) pain. I will admit something I wouldn't admit then...I told Kristin that something had to change in my life...that I just didn't feel I could go on at the rate I was. I'd wake up in the mornings already exhausted by whatever the day had in store. I had so many moments I wished I could disappear to an isolated place...and even more scary, I had moments I wished I just didn't exist at all. I knew my spirit needed renewal.
A day after I composed my "renewal" blog, I attended church service for the first time. They spoke so much of restoration. Yes, it feels like the service is all about me. Haha. At any rate, from the first morning I attended, I knew something had changed inside me...like a bulk of the burden was lifted. I didn't necessarily know why, except it felt like the mega-responsibilities I'd placed on my...well, responsibilities, had not seemed so tough. I had expected I should be this wonderful parent who never screws up...and that when my kids make mistakes, it's all my fault. I had also expected that as an alternative school teacher, I should be helping kids straighten their lives out and that...after a few months, they would be all better if I was really doing a good job...that, on top of the fact that special ed kids should achieve the same level as regular ed (riiiight), and dyslexic kids would suddenly read and write well, kids with math problems would suddenly do algebra, and kids with ADHD would suddenly sit still like the cherubs within. Hahaha! Yeah, as I type, I see how crazy I let things get. Even back in the day as a counselor, I felt I wasn't doing my job if my clients had setbacks or didn't get "cured" after years of serious problems. Yep, I can see where I put so much on myself to control aspects of human life that weren't meant for me to control. So...I'm not saying that was all my problem, but that was definitely A HUGE BULK of it. I set incredible expectations for myself and those around me, thinking I could singlehandedly change everything and everyone for the better...almost as if I were the one in charge of the world. Without divine intervention, though, I couldn't even help myself. Without allowing those who cared about me to be supportive in whatever way (even friends who simply give lots of hugs), I was also blocking light that God intended for me.
A song that once was, but no longer is, my theme song is "I am a Rock" by Simon and Garfunkel. I really truly used to give myself pep talks with that song. It has lines such as "I touch no one and no one touches me...I have no need for friendship, friendship causes pain ...If I never loved, I never would have cried...I have my books and my poetry to protect me," and "The rock feels no pain...and the island never cries." Yeah, of course I had tons of emotions, but I'd deal with them with my handy-dandy "quick-release button" located somewhere deep inside me. If a situation hurt me, I'd simply disconnect from the person or people associated. I'm sure I've burned more than my fair share of bridges in my lifetime...Anyway...it feels good to have installed more lightbulbs in my heart. It feels good to be filled with spirit again...to feel alive...to feel loved and to feel capable of loving.
Again, I'm not trying to push this on anyone...just sharing a blessing that overpowers my struggles. You don't have to be straight to be loved by God. All too often, those against our civil rights use God as a way to justify their intolerance. I just don't feel he agrees.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Just a random comment....
At the risk of being verbally abused I have a thought that has been bothering me. I am aware that those advocates who are out there to watch out for my rights as a gay man and father have to pay attention to everything that happens. With that said, I feel that the "hype" around the president - elect's choice for a minister for his invocation is making us seem as non-inclusive as we accuse the "other side" of being. I do understand our need to monitor what is going on and to pay attention but can we just exclude this guy because his views don't mirror our own? I don't know..but I do have this feeling that is what we are doing.
Monday, December 22, 2008
I'll be Home (Alone) for Christmas
Wow...what a time of year to finally break up. Right now, very little makes sense to me, and I have so many questions.
There is a reason the military has a high divorce rate. Of course, a variety of things can take place to destroy a marriage (or even an engagement, which was us). Deployments often change the soldier and hit them deeply...the other half at home even changes along the way. All this change happens as the couple lives apart...on opposite sides of the world. When that person comes home, both parties believe everything will just go back to the way it was before, now that you have that previous environment again. The soldier returns to familiar territory and the partner at home returns to the home with the soldier. Maybe for some military couples it happens so blissfully...but it didn't happen for us.
The scenario described above could happen to any type of couple...opposite-sex or same-sex. But, the same-sex aspect of it added more obstacles. For one, me, her, and the kids weren't officially recognized as a family. Therefore, the army didn't necessarily send her back to me. She didn't get the reacclimation time with us that her straight, married colleagues get. She had to use leave time. Then, of course, you have that her family lives many states away. While they know and understand she is gay, I always felt in competition with them. I shouldn't have to. I mean, of course, she needs to have time to go see them...but they wanted her to stay longer, rather than coming back to GA with me (also, where she is stationed...something she chose so she could be with me). So...between employer and family not recognizing us the same way they would a married or soon-to-be-married straight couple, it made things more difficult.
I guess we just weren't strong enough to make it through all the obstacles. After all...if it were meant to be, wouldn't those barriers been overcome?
Add the kids to the mix now. She's been a huge part of our life for two years...I know that isn't all that long, but she's the only person I've shared the children with. She treated them as hers, and even though my 11 year-old didn't always appreciate the extra authority (on top of not expecting the changes), both kids looked to her as a parent as well. She did way more for them than their father. You know...in our many deep discussions, I told her that anyone who made their place in the kids' lives should never disappear from them. I said that in the event we split apart, I wanted her to remain in their lives. I've also expressed fear at the fact that if I had an untimely death (God, I hope not.), that it would be terrible, because the kids would go to their Dad, even though she was the one helping me raise them. Anyway...I am concerned about the children. I know they are resilient, though.
They say relationships are all experiences we shouldn't regret. I guess I just wish I wouldn't have gotten so involved for it to end like this. The hardest part is not the memories...it's all the dreams we share that have been shattered.
So...I'm toughing it out this Christmas, trying my best to have a "merry, gay" holiday. I've lost my partner, and I just lost my Nana (the mother in my life) in October. I don't want to be a grinch, but a large part of me wants the holidays to just fly by so I can return to business as usual. All I can think about right now is how I was supposed to go to NY with her and the kids for our first white Christmas...but she left us at home. And, then there's my family, who is being very loving toward me...but that's where I went every year to see my Nana...and I won't get to do that anymore. So, I'm thinking a low-key holiday is in order. I'll hang out with friends whenever they aren't busy with their own families.
There is a reason the military has a high divorce rate. Of course, a variety of things can take place to destroy a marriage (or even an engagement, which was us). Deployments often change the soldier and hit them deeply...the other half at home even changes along the way. All this change happens as the couple lives apart...on opposite sides of the world. When that person comes home, both parties believe everything will just go back to the way it was before, now that you have that previous environment again. The soldier returns to familiar territory and the partner at home returns to the home with the soldier. Maybe for some military couples it happens so blissfully...but it didn't happen for us.
The scenario described above could happen to any type of couple...opposite-sex or same-sex. But, the same-sex aspect of it added more obstacles. For one, me, her, and the kids weren't officially recognized as a family. Therefore, the army didn't necessarily send her back to me. She didn't get the reacclimation time with us that her straight, married colleagues get. She had to use leave time. Then, of course, you have that her family lives many states away. While they know and understand she is gay, I always felt in competition with them. I shouldn't have to. I mean, of course, she needs to have time to go see them...but they wanted her to stay longer, rather than coming back to GA with me (also, where she is stationed...something she chose so she could be with me). So...between employer and family not recognizing us the same way they would a married or soon-to-be-married straight couple, it made things more difficult.
I guess we just weren't strong enough to make it through all the obstacles. After all...if it were meant to be, wouldn't those barriers been overcome?
Add the kids to the mix now. She's been a huge part of our life for two years...I know that isn't all that long, but she's the only person I've shared the children with. She treated them as hers, and even though my 11 year-old didn't always appreciate the extra authority (on top of not expecting the changes), both kids looked to her as a parent as well. She did way more for them than their father. You know...in our many deep discussions, I told her that anyone who made their place in the kids' lives should never disappear from them. I said that in the event we split apart, I wanted her to remain in their lives. I've also expressed fear at the fact that if I had an untimely death (God, I hope not.), that it would be terrible, because the kids would go to their Dad, even though she was the one helping me raise them. Anyway...I am concerned about the children. I know they are resilient, though.
They say relationships are all experiences we shouldn't regret. I guess I just wish I wouldn't have gotten so involved for it to end like this. The hardest part is not the memories...it's all the dreams we share that have been shattered.
So...I'm toughing it out this Christmas, trying my best to have a "merry, gay" holiday. I've lost my partner, and I just lost my Nana (the mother in my life) in October. I don't want to be a grinch, but a large part of me wants the holidays to just fly by so I can return to business as usual. All I can think about right now is how I was supposed to go to NY with her and the kids for our first white Christmas...but she left us at home. And, then there's my family, who is being very loving toward me...but that's where I went every year to see my Nana...and I won't get to do that anymore. So, I'm thinking a low-key holiday is in order. I'll hang out with friends whenever they aren't busy with their own families.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The "Invasion" of Gays
At random, I came across this video of older people sitting around and talking about the issue of gays. Don't ask why this was on video, I wouldn't know. I was looking up videos on equality and somehow found this one. At any rate, the man doing most of the talking of course referred to God's will as the reason "homosexuality ain't right" (as he stated). He then said something about being scared of the direction this country was headed, because "Gays are trying to take over...look at them, they already are."
At that point, I envisioned a militia of stereotypical gay males, uniforms decorated with neat flower arrangements and fancy hairdos, fighting alongside stereotypical lesbians, all gruff and taking charge. I couldn't help but laugh to myself with these thoughts. I knew better than whatever the man was describing about "gays taking over." He was apparently full of fears...fear of the unknown whenever you let less popular groups have the same rights as the majority.
Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending both the rally at the Capitol as well as the candlelight vigil in Midtown. Kristin and the kids were right there with me, of course. We cheered, listened to the speakers, and enjoyed small conversations with the strangers (but allies) surrounding us. It was great to see a crowd, but I really thought it could have been larger. I attribute some of the absences to the short notice. But, other fellow gays told me they wouldn't be in attendance for fears that the media might capture their image and they'd be outed. I definitely respect their reasons. It's just a shame, though, that so much negativity could be imposed on a person because of his or her sexual orientation.
So, while in attendance, and thinking about things, a few thoughts crossed my mind. Morghan, my 11 year-old, expressed concerns about her and her brother being taken away from me. I told her that yes, it was a concern for a lot of same-sex couples, but not for us and our circumstances. In our case, it would only be an issue if the dad brought me to court, but there's a larger chance of him winning the lottery than taking me to court. At this point, he wouldn't have a leg to stand on. I've raised them on my own since they were born, and he has yet to prove that he can take care of himself, let alone two children. It made me realize how lucky I was in that department.
That spurred me to think about all the older children and teens who have been left in Nebraska, a state whose "safe haven" laws were written too vaguely. I wondered if any of those people who chose to leave their kids behind are gay. OR...was it "those straight people." There those straighties go again...pro-creating with their natural abilities and then leaving their kids to be raised by someone else.
Here's another thought that crossed my mind (Yeah, I was thinking again)...
I thought about the evolution of civil rights in the United States. When European males decided to "come in and take over the place," it was only THEM who had rights. In fact, the initial reason for our Electoral College system of presidential voting was because the powers to be didn't feel an average citizen was informed enough to decide who gets into office. So...the first major step was allowing "average Joes" the chance to vote. After all...there was fear that folks outside their "clique" would ruin things for the current system, most comfortable for them.
We all know, of course, it was a long time before Americans came to terms with the fact that blacks were people, too...not property. It was an even longer time before they could vote, and it was a bit after that before women could vote. Later down the road, Americans had to come to terms with the idea of us all being able to attend the same schools and get the same service in the same location, all at the same time. Many feared what would happen to America if those without equal rights were actually treated like real citizens and given the same respect. Oh my!
I wasn't around during the 50s-60s civil rights movements (nor do I have any past life memories of such). I really have nothing to say in defense of the fears going around. As I teach in a diverse environment, one being recognized as an official "No Place for Hate" school, I must say I really like this integration thing. Get this...one day in class with my 7th graders...it was at the beginning of the year when there were only 4 kids in the group...I asked them about their ethnicities (first explaining the difference between race and ethnicity). Would you believe that in a group of just 5 people, every last one of us had a different ethnic origin? We all traced back to different countries and most of the kids were multi-racial as well. How neat. Would you believe that just 50 years ago, my classroom would have been empty?
Anyway, my slight...and very slight...defense of those who were against desegregation is that they had no experience with people unlike them, and therefore, they were uncomfortable with the idea. This meant allowing their kids to attend school alongside different kids, they'd have to possibly work with people of other races, and most of all, they'd have to go about life alongside others (That seat at the front of the bus wouldn't be so "safe" anymore). It was a major step outside their comfort zone. Although their comfort zone was unfair and ignorant, it was something they had to make mental adjustments for.
This brings me to today...the civil rights we are currently asking quite nicely for (Yes, us gays who are "taking over" are being quite kind about it.)...don't actually require the concessions of the majority as the civil rights reforms of the past. Think about it...we want sexual orientation to be included in EOE statements right alongside race, sex, religion, disability, etc. We want to have our unions formally recognized...our partners given the same legal privileges as opposite-sex spouses inherently claim upon marriage...and we want to be able to raise a family...give it the love, guidance, and responsible upbringing that opposite-sex couples can legally do...not only without obstacles, but also with the encouragement of others. In fact, opposite-sex couples who choose NOT to have children often catch slack about it. So anyway...these rights I speak of (or type of)...these require no adjustment on the part of others who do not agree with same-sex relations.
Sure...people say that gay relationships aren't good for kids, aren't good for the public, etc. They refer to their beliefs about God (though my beliefs about God tell me I'm okay with Him), and why this should not be allowed. However...all they really gain from our lack of civil rights is their mental comfort of knowing it's not formally recognized. I'm certainly not going to leave Kristin to find me a husband. I don't know of any gays who are planning to drop their partners and marry opposite-sex. In reality, we just have more hoops to jump through with paperwork. But the essence in what they are trying to stop...gay relationships altogether...won't happen. When people see me and Kristin in public, they know we are a lesbian couple (except for the few who think she's my oldest child...hahaha....and I only have 3 years on her!). Thus, we are visible, like many others. The rights we don't have at this point in our life don't change the things that Proposition H8ers want to see changed. We are still here. We are still gay. Our lives haven't changed, but most of all, neither have theirs.
At that point, I envisioned a militia of stereotypical gay males, uniforms decorated with neat flower arrangements and fancy hairdos, fighting alongside stereotypical lesbians, all gruff and taking charge. I couldn't help but laugh to myself with these thoughts. I knew better than whatever the man was describing about "gays taking over." He was apparently full of fears...fear of the unknown whenever you let less popular groups have the same rights as the majority.
Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending both the rally at the Capitol as well as the candlelight vigil in Midtown. Kristin and the kids were right there with me, of course. We cheered, listened to the speakers, and enjoyed small conversations with the strangers (but allies) surrounding us. It was great to see a crowd, but I really thought it could have been larger. I attribute some of the absences to the short notice. But, other fellow gays told me they wouldn't be in attendance for fears that the media might capture their image and they'd be outed. I definitely respect their reasons. It's just a shame, though, that so much negativity could be imposed on a person because of his or her sexual orientation.
So, while in attendance, and thinking about things, a few thoughts crossed my mind. Morghan, my 11 year-old, expressed concerns about her and her brother being taken away from me. I told her that yes, it was a concern for a lot of same-sex couples, but not for us and our circumstances. In our case, it would only be an issue if the dad brought me to court, but there's a larger chance of him winning the lottery than taking me to court. At this point, he wouldn't have a leg to stand on. I've raised them on my own since they were born, and he has yet to prove that he can take care of himself, let alone two children. It made me realize how lucky I was in that department.
That spurred me to think about all the older children and teens who have been left in Nebraska, a state whose "safe haven" laws were written too vaguely. I wondered if any of those people who chose to leave their kids behind are gay. OR...was it "those straight people." There those straighties go again...pro-creating with their natural abilities and then leaving their kids to be raised by someone else.
Here's another thought that crossed my mind (Yeah, I was thinking again)...
I thought about the evolution of civil rights in the United States. When European males decided to "come in and take over the place," it was only THEM who had rights. In fact, the initial reason for our Electoral College system of presidential voting was because the powers to be didn't feel an average citizen was informed enough to decide who gets into office. So...the first major step was allowing "average Joes" the chance to vote. After all...there was fear that folks outside their "clique" would ruin things for the current system, most comfortable for them.
We all know, of course, it was a long time before Americans came to terms with the fact that blacks were people, too...not property. It was an even longer time before they could vote, and it was a bit after that before women could vote. Later down the road, Americans had to come to terms with the idea of us all being able to attend the same schools and get the same service in the same location, all at the same time. Many feared what would happen to America if those without equal rights were actually treated like real citizens and given the same respect. Oh my!
I wasn't around during the 50s-60s civil rights movements (nor do I have any past life memories of such). I really have nothing to say in defense of the fears going around. As I teach in a diverse environment, one being recognized as an official "No Place for Hate" school, I must say I really like this integration thing. Get this...one day in class with my 7th graders...it was at the beginning of the year when there were only 4 kids in the group...I asked them about their ethnicities (first explaining the difference between race and ethnicity). Would you believe that in a group of just 5 people, every last one of us had a different ethnic origin? We all traced back to different countries and most of the kids were multi-racial as well. How neat. Would you believe that just 50 years ago, my classroom would have been empty?
Anyway, my slight...and very slight...defense of those who were against desegregation is that they had no experience with people unlike them, and therefore, they were uncomfortable with the idea. This meant allowing their kids to attend school alongside different kids, they'd have to possibly work with people of other races, and most of all, they'd have to go about life alongside others (That seat at the front of the bus wouldn't be so "safe" anymore). It was a major step outside their comfort zone. Although their comfort zone was unfair and ignorant, it was something they had to make mental adjustments for.
This brings me to today...the civil rights we are currently asking quite nicely for (Yes, us gays who are "taking over" are being quite kind about it.)...don't actually require the concessions of the majority as the civil rights reforms of the past. Think about it...we want sexual orientation to be included in EOE statements right alongside race, sex, religion, disability, etc. We want to have our unions formally recognized...our partners given the same legal privileges as opposite-sex spouses inherently claim upon marriage...and we want to be able to raise a family...give it the love, guidance, and responsible upbringing that opposite-sex couples can legally do...not only without obstacles, but also with the encouragement of others. In fact, opposite-sex couples who choose NOT to have children often catch slack about it. So anyway...these rights I speak of (or type of)...these require no adjustment on the part of others who do not agree with same-sex relations.
Sure...people say that gay relationships aren't good for kids, aren't good for the public, etc. They refer to their beliefs about God (though my beliefs about God tell me I'm okay with Him), and why this should not be allowed. However...all they really gain from our lack of civil rights is their mental comfort of knowing it's not formally recognized. I'm certainly not going to leave Kristin to find me a husband. I don't know of any gays who are planning to drop their partners and marry opposite-sex. In reality, we just have more hoops to jump through with paperwork. But the essence in what they are trying to stop...gay relationships altogether...won't happen. When people see me and Kristin in public, they know we are a lesbian couple (except for the few who think she's my oldest child...hahaha....and I only have 3 years on her!). Thus, we are visible, like many others. The rights we don't have at this point in our life don't change the things that Proposition H8ers want to see changed. We are still here. We are still gay. Our lives haven't changed, but most of all, neither have theirs.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Election Day Glory and Devastation
Wow, election day was exhausting this year. This was such an important day. Election morning I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. The only thing I could compare it to was the feeling of excitement I had leading up to Christmas. This was going to be my best Christmas ever, and my present would be President-elect Obama.
By 1pm on election day I was exhausted from the intense excitement I was feeling. I needed a nap, but when you have a 3 year old anti-napping daughter, it was out of the question. So I dragged myself through the day. Working here and there, and checking the television periodically to see if there were any election problems, etc.
By 4pm, I am 100% convinced Obama is going to win the election. Not an ounce of uncertainty. I think this was some type of election mania, because I felt as if God had told me Himself that this would happen and I didn't need to worry anymore. It was such a relief, and I passed this information on to others, but they did not share my certainty.
By 6pm, I have decided this is an official holiday in our household, so we are going to celebrate with pizza, cupcakes, etc. (this is how we celebrate now). I give my daughter her special Princess Soup that she had picked out days before, and decide to call my mom to pass some time because I know my mom and dad are bouncing off the walls waiting for the election results, too. They live in Florida and have had an election or two stolen from them. My retired mom spent so many hours working for Obama--making phone calls, knocking on doors, handing out food to people waiting in line to vote (she rocks!).
It is 6:30pm, my daughter's gigantic bowl of soup is eaten and I look down and she is passed out in the Lazy Boy chair. At first, a little disappointed we didn't get to share more excitement about Obama's impending election, but then I realize, YES!, we get to have more time to watch the election results!!!
It is 7pm, the wife and I are sitting down in front of the tv with our delicious celebratory pizza and beer (a luxury in the Kelly household these days!!) with CNN on. Not enough is happening. I am flipping the channels between news shows, but nothing really exciting. The hologram on CNN was kind of cool, and I like they waited until election night to launch it. But, this night is about our Presidential win, so away with the holograms.
By 9pm, we are so exhausted, but the win seems apparent. My prediction coming true. Thank you, God. The wife passes out for a nap. I wake her for the official decision and to see Obama. We both agree John McCain showed his best side in his concession speech. We are grateful for the way he handled the loss ( I think that is the liberal in us).
The evening is so incredibly powerful. For so many of us, this election was critical for our existence. Could we go on without this win? I am not sure, and certainly so grateful to not test it.
The wife and I are an oppressed people. We are gay moms who want a world that respects our family with the same equality and dignity shown the heterosexual world. This want has grown so much stronger now that we are parents. Wouldn't it be so great for our daughter to grow up in a world where her parents were treated equally? If it weren't for our daughter, I could live with being discriminated against. I would still fight the fight, but it means so much more knowing there is a little life coming behind us that will one day experience the unpleasantness our world has to offer.
As an oppressed people, the wife and I hold hands as we watch Obama give his election night speech. We are so moved. It is such a powerful moment, and it causes us to feel so much more hopeful about our future as Americans, and as Gay Americans. The future couldn't look brighter.
It is 1AM, I go to my computer to check the election results for the anti-gay ballot measures in Florida, Arkansas, Arizona, and California. I am devastated by the results. The spiritual fulfillment I had moments before knocked completely out of me.
Arkansas votes to stop gay people from adopting or foster parenting. Jesus, how could this happen. 57% voted for the ban.
Florida, where they have worked so hard on their marriage amendment, loses its battle by a small margin. They needed 60% to pass the amendment, and they got 62%.
Arizona, which has been beating back marriage amendments in the past, loses its marriage amendment with 56% voting to approve the anti-gay measure.
And the most devastating loss of the evening: California, where marriage had just become legal earlier in the year. Now, the election has not been finalized, so I pray I have to eat this post, but it looks as though the anti-gay marriage amendment passed by 52%. I am so bummed. How could people vote on our lives that way as if we were property taxes or something. My God, we are human beings, and our rights are being voted on by the people. What kind of country is this?
Lots of lies were told by conservatives in these campaigns, so can I blame straight people for believing them? When the Catholic and Mormon churches tell the people lies about the marriage laws and about us as parents, can I blame people for believing them? If you can't believe your church, who can you believe?
I am sickened today by both the election outcomes and the fact that people think they have the right to vote on our lives in this way in the first place. I am reminded of the African American journey in this country, and how we proudly elected a Black man president tonight.
I probably have 20+ years to win my civil rights, but my daughter only has one childhood to experience and it is now. So, forgive me for my impatience, but my daughter is everything to me. I just want the best life for her, and people voting on our family is not part of my plan.
Tonight, you anti-gay voters suck. Tomorrow, hopefully, I will feel called to continue the work of educating you better.
God Bless President-Elect Obama.
By 1pm on election day I was exhausted from the intense excitement I was feeling. I needed a nap, but when you have a 3 year old anti-napping daughter, it was out of the question. So I dragged myself through the day. Working here and there, and checking the television periodically to see if there were any election problems, etc.
By 4pm, I am 100% convinced Obama is going to win the election. Not an ounce of uncertainty. I think this was some type of election mania, because I felt as if God had told me Himself that this would happen and I didn't need to worry anymore. It was such a relief, and I passed this information on to others, but they did not share my certainty.
By 6pm, I have decided this is an official holiday in our household, so we are going to celebrate with pizza, cupcakes, etc. (this is how we celebrate now). I give my daughter her special Princess Soup that she had picked out days before, and decide to call my mom to pass some time because I know my mom and dad are bouncing off the walls waiting for the election results, too. They live in Florida and have had an election or two stolen from them. My retired mom spent so many hours working for Obama--making phone calls, knocking on doors, handing out food to people waiting in line to vote (she rocks!).
It is 6:30pm, my daughter's gigantic bowl of soup is eaten and I look down and she is passed out in the Lazy Boy chair. At first, a little disappointed we didn't get to share more excitement about Obama's impending election, but then I realize, YES!, we get to have more time to watch the election results!!!
It is 7pm, the wife and I are sitting down in front of the tv with our delicious celebratory pizza and beer (a luxury in the Kelly household these days!!) with CNN on. Not enough is happening. I am flipping the channels between news shows, but nothing really exciting. The hologram on CNN was kind of cool, and I like they waited until election night to launch it. But, this night is about our Presidential win, so away with the holograms.
By 9pm, we are so exhausted, but the win seems apparent. My prediction coming true. Thank you, God. The wife passes out for a nap. I wake her for the official decision and to see Obama. We both agree John McCain showed his best side in his concession speech. We are grateful for the way he handled the loss ( I think that is the liberal in us).
The evening is so incredibly powerful. For so many of us, this election was critical for our existence. Could we go on without this win? I am not sure, and certainly so grateful to not test it.
The wife and I are an oppressed people. We are gay moms who want a world that respects our family with the same equality and dignity shown the heterosexual world. This want has grown so much stronger now that we are parents. Wouldn't it be so great for our daughter to grow up in a world where her parents were treated equally? If it weren't for our daughter, I could live with being discriminated against. I would still fight the fight, but it means so much more knowing there is a little life coming behind us that will one day experience the unpleasantness our world has to offer.
As an oppressed people, the wife and I hold hands as we watch Obama give his election night speech. We are so moved. It is such a powerful moment, and it causes us to feel so much more hopeful about our future as Americans, and as Gay Americans. The future couldn't look brighter.
It is 1AM, I go to my computer to check the election results for the anti-gay ballot measures in Florida, Arkansas, Arizona, and California. I am devastated by the results. The spiritual fulfillment I had moments before knocked completely out of me.
Arkansas votes to stop gay people from adopting or foster parenting. Jesus, how could this happen. 57% voted for the ban.
Florida, where they have worked so hard on their marriage amendment, loses its battle by a small margin. They needed 60% to pass the amendment, and they got 62%.
Arizona, which has been beating back marriage amendments in the past, loses its marriage amendment with 56% voting to approve the anti-gay measure.
And the most devastating loss of the evening: California, where marriage had just become legal earlier in the year. Now, the election has not been finalized, so I pray I have to eat this post, but it looks as though the anti-gay marriage amendment passed by 52%. I am so bummed. How could people vote on our lives that way as if we were property taxes or something. My God, we are human beings, and our rights are being voted on by the people. What kind of country is this?
Lots of lies were told by conservatives in these campaigns, so can I blame straight people for believing them? When the Catholic and Mormon churches tell the people lies about the marriage laws and about us as parents, can I blame people for believing them? If you can't believe your church, who can you believe?
I am sickened today by both the election outcomes and the fact that people think they have the right to vote on our lives in this way in the first place. I am reminded of the African American journey in this country, and how we proudly elected a Black man president tonight.
I probably have 20+ years to win my civil rights, but my daughter only has one childhood to experience and it is now. So, forgive me for my impatience, but my daughter is everything to me. I just want the best life for her, and people voting on our family is not part of my plan.
Tonight, you anti-gay voters suck. Tomorrow, hopefully, I will feel called to continue the work of educating you better.
God Bless President-Elect Obama.
Monday, November 03, 2008
The eve of a historic election
It is the eve of one of the most historic elections of my life. There is so much at stake, and I am both nervous and optimistic about our future. I, like many other Americans, have been anticipating tomorrow for so long. Will our families face a win tomorrow in the many elections in our state and across the country? I hope so.
We must keep our eyes on what happens in California with the efforts to overturn the right for same-sex couples to marry. It is critical to the civil rights of all our families that the marriage amendment, Proposition 8, lose tomorrow. It would be devastating and wrong to grant gay people the right to marry and then take it away again. Let's pray the people of California vote for equality for all families.
Keep an eye on Florida also. Thanks to the great work of Equality Florida, they have a good shot at defeating the proposed anti-gay marriage amendment.
So pray, cross your fingers, or do whatever moves you so we have a good outcome tomorrow. And please, DON"T FORGET TO VOTE!
We must keep our eyes on what happens in California with the efforts to overturn the right for same-sex couples to marry. It is critical to the civil rights of all our families that the marriage amendment, Proposition 8, lose tomorrow. It would be devastating and wrong to grant gay people the right to marry and then take it away again. Let's pray the people of California vote for equality for all families.
Keep an eye on Florida also. Thanks to the great work of Equality Florida, they have a good shot at defeating the proposed anti-gay marriage amendment.
So pray, cross your fingers, or do whatever moves you so we have a good outcome tomorrow. And please, DON"T FORGET TO VOTE!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Just under two hours
I made it and voted just under two hours. A small price to pay to partake in this historic election. Now I just hope my vote actually gets counted.
The lines outside the building have increased considerably. At least it isn't cold now.
I still say we can do better to lessen lines and make voting available to more people by extending the voting hours and days.
Kathy Kelly
Executive Director
MEGA Family Project
404-808-3350
Sent from my iPhone
One hour and fifteen minutes...
After one hour and fifteen minutes, I finally made it inside the building to what appears to be another very long line. Most people are just happy to make it inside to get out of the cold.
They started allowing people with very small babies to come inside. They won't let them vote, but are allowing them to wait inside. Obviously the election officials don't realize how hard it is to vote with a child in tow. It was the citizens in line who asked to bring the babies inside.
People seem to be in fairly good spirits even with the long wait. There is much talk about being excited to vote and a belief that this is our civic duty.
This election is good for the nation. High turnout feels good and right.
We are voting here in the fire department's headquarters. You have to wonder if this double line in the halls meets the fire code.
The AJC said it was a 90 minute wait here yesterday. The people here say it was really two hours. It looks like we are definitely looking at two hours or more here. And the Secretary of State doesn't want to do better. I wonder when she is up for re-election?
I had the pleasure to hear the Ohio Secretary of State speak this past summer. She was truly an inspiration as to someone who wanted to make sure all the people of her state could vote this election. The last presidential election many in her state did not get to vote and she knew that was wrong.
We need someone in Georgia who has a passion for making sure every person gets a chance to vote and that we have a paper trail to verify the votes.
I still have a long way in front of me as I can't see any room that we might be voting in. Only a sea of people ahead.
Kathy Kelly
Executive Director
MEGA Family Project
404-808-3350
Sent from my iPhone
Secretary of State Suppressing the Vote?
It is Thursday morning and I am standing in a very long line to vote in Tucker, GA. It is freezing out here, so you have to admire the many people in line willing to wait what looks to be a couple of hours to vote. This is democracy at its best.
One has to wonder why on earth the Republican Secretary of State is not doing more to help people vote in a more expeditious manner.
In Florida, the Republican governor extended voting hours 4 hours each day. Can you imagine the people who will get to vote there who would not otherwise because they have jobs that don't allow them to stand in line for hours?
We are America, damn it. We have the technology and resources to make it easy for every person to vote.
I call on the Georgia Secretary of State and Governor Perdue to extend advanced voting hours and to put more voting machines in each location.
This is absurd that people are unable to vote in a country as great as America. This process seems closer to what I would expect in a less developed nation.
I sure hope politics aren't playing into these ridiculous decisions about voting in Georgia.
We deserve better, so we must demand better. Please join me in calling the Secretary of State's and Governor's offices to demand they do better.
Thanks,
Kathy Kelly
Executive Director
MEGA Family Project
404-808-3350
Sent from my iPhone
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Coming Out of the Closet...About the Moms...Slowly
I've stated in previous posts that even though I'm out of the closet, I've left it up to the children to decide how they will address the issue of having two moms. Of course, I'm there every step of the way, but I allow them to come out with it as they feel comfortable. Maybe if they had been conceived or adopted under these circumstances, I would have approached it differently. However, my own coming out experience was later than most, and there was even a point I had to come out to them (which they were very young, but it still isn't the same as being born into the situation). My agreement to them was that I would not "make a scene" with it...I won't walk into the school displaying my affection for Kristin (which I wouldn't do even if she were a guy and I were straight). I told them I wouldn't announce it. However, I did point out that some external markers might give others clues...Kristin and I both "look gay." On top of that, we have new issues to deal with...when Kristin returns soon from overseas, any houseguests will catch on that we are a couple without announcing it. I mean, how long would it work for the kids to say their mom has sleepovers with the same friend? This doesn't even include all the lovey-dovey cards and pictures on display, that I'm not sure if any youthful guests have noticed. So, essentially, the deal was that they have no pressure to advertise it, but I wasn't going out of my way to conceal it, because that goes against my principles of being genuine.
This year, my daughter, Morghan began 6th grade...middle school...that age where peers start to become more of a factor. The worst thing a kid wants is to be embarrassed or in the spotlight for something controversial. My son began 4th grade, but his friends don't seem to ask questions. I think they are more interested in their skateboards, trick bikes, and "wrasslers."
As far as the kids' feelings on having a lesbian mom, they've accepted it from the start (from the time I used the analogy with the Barbie dolls and the superheroes). As for their feelings toward Kristin, they love her and refer to her as their other mom, without my prompting. She, in turn, has forced me to rescind on the notion that nobody can love the kids like I do. This feeling of family I have with them is more than what is apparent in our words and actions...it's an indescribable feeling of harmonious balance. This has NEVER come close anywhere else-not with ex-girlfriends, not even with their biological father. It's a sense that everything is perfect, even when it's not.
So, entering the school year (which started 3 weeks ago), I felt it was a major breakthrough when Morghan and Chandler both allowed me to list Kristin as the other parent on their school forms. No, it isn't the first time she's been listed, but last year, I listed her simply as a "family friend." Though it may seem trivial, I feel that given circumstances, this is a huge step. The kids did explain to me, however, that it was okay for the adults to know about it, but not the other kids. I reassured them it was fine.
The school year then began, and the kids are at a different school than before, and so far, it's been pleasant. We had moved to a part of the county that has seen an immense growth in population. Even though I'd prefer to live closer to the big city, I'm impressed with the diversity of this area. Many people, of different ethnicities, are like us...still relatively new to the area. Thus, we get much reprieve from the intolerant, right-wing thinking that we have dealt with as Southerners. And as far as the middle school goes, there was a strong presence of gays. Ranging from teachers, other parents, and even the bus driver...there are more gays than we've ever had in a school. Add to this, Morghan told me one day after school about her friend's sister in high school...she's a lesbian, Morghan told me, adding that"everyone thinks she's so cool!" I feel like this helps, too...for her to know of other gays she does NOT know through me.
So, life will continue to unfold one day at a time. The kids are doing incredibly well, and I feel fortunate.
This year, my daughter, Morghan began 6th grade...middle school...that age where peers start to become more of a factor. The worst thing a kid wants is to be embarrassed or in the spotlight for something controversial. My son began 4th grade, but his friends don't seem to ask questions. I think they are more interested in their skateboards, trick bikes, and "wrasslers."
As far as the kids' feelings on having a lesbian mom, they've accepted it from the start (from the time I used the analogy with the Barbie dolls and the superheroes). As for their feelings toward Kristin, they love her and refer to her as their other mom, without my prompting. She, in turn, has forced me to rescind on the notion that nobody can love the kids like I do. This feeling of family I have with them is more than what is apparent in our words and actions...it's an indescribable feeling of harmonious balance. This has NEVER come close anywhere else-not with ex-girlfriends, not even with their biological father. It's a sense that everything is perfect, even when it's not.
So, entering the school year (which started 3 weeks ago), I felt it was a major breakthrough when Morghan and Chandler both allowed me to list Kristin as the other parent on their school forms. No, it isn't the first time she's been listed, but last year, I listed her simply as a "family friend." Though it may seem trivial, I feel that given circumstances, this is a huge step. The kids did explain to me, however, that it was okay for the adults to know about it, but not the other kids. I reassured them it was fine.
The school year then began, and the kids are at a different school than before, and so far, it's been pleasant. We had moved to a part of the county that has seen an immense growth in population. Even though I'd prefer to live closer to the big city, I'm impressed with the diversity of this area. Many people, of different ethnicities, are like us...still relatively new to the area. Thus, we get much reprieve from the intolerant, right-wing thinking that we have dealt with as Southerners. And as far as the middle school goes, there was a strong presence of gays. Ranging from teachers, other parents, and even the bus driver...there are more gays than we've ever had in a school. Add to this, Morghan told me one day after school about her friend's sister in high school...she's a lesbian, Morghan told me, adding that"everyone thinks she's so cool!" I feel like this helps, too...for her to know of other gays she does NOT know through me.
So, life will continue to unfold one day at a time. The kids are doing incredibly well, and I feel fortunate.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Working together
As a married man with 2 children I was given the advice of an older gentleman in my church that as parents we should give a united front even if we didn't always agree. He said it showed that as adults we were capable of working together to "get the job done". Making decisions is never easy. As an out "somewhat single" gay man who is still parenting 2 kids with my x wife I remember those words whenever there is a disagreement with my X and I on how to do something or what to "approve or disapprove" for one of the kids.
As a member of the GLBT community I'd like to say that "community" rings loud and clear but sometimes I wonder. Community should mean that we are working together. I constantly am hearing and seeing that there is constant disagreement in the GLBT arena. Some of that is expected but sometimes its just about sucking it up and making a concession. Sometimes its about supporting something even if your ideas didn't get the full attention. It constantly amazes me that in all my years of working in the mainstream "world" with many different groups that there seemed to be a lot more give than "take".
Whether its parenting, working on a committee, or office politics I think its time we all should take a long hard look with out mouths closed and our ears open, decide if we are part of the solution or part of the problem and then be proactive and do something about it. I want to be a decent example for my children and I want to make some positive changes for the young GLBT community that will follow in my footsteps. Is anyone else interested in doing the same thing? I hope so.
As a member of the GLBT community I'd like to say that "community" rings loud and clear but sometimes I wonder. Community should mean that we are working together. I constantly am hearing and seeing that there is constant disagreement in the GLBT arena. Some of that is expected but sometimes its just about sucking it up and making a concession. Sometimes its about supporting something even if your ideas didn't get the full attention. It constantly amazes me that in all my years of working in the mainstream "world" with many different groups that there seemed to be a lot more give than "take".
Whether its parenting, working on a committee, or office politics I think its time we all should take a long hard look with out mouths closed and our ears open, decide if we are part of the solution or part of the problem and then be proactive and do something about it. I want to be a decent example for my children and I want to make some positive changes for the young GLBT community that will follow in my footsteps. Is anyone else interested in doing the same thing? I hope so.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Finding Jesus...
Our daughter has reached 3 now, and we are finding all of the sudden topics about death (whether someone we know or a bug on the ground) seem to be cropping into our everyday conversations. The question for every parent is what to do with such topics. I imagine many parents handle the death topic many different ways.
For me, the easiest way seemed to bring up Heaven and God, which led to discussions of Christmas, Baby Jesus, and so on. We did not realize a few weeks back that we would be tackling tough questions about religion for our daughter. Though I am sure many parents have this figured out before they even have a child, we must admit we didn't give it any thought.
So, me and the wife had several serious conversations about religion and what we wanted for our daughter. We both decided that though we both felt scarred from our own religious upbringings (mine Far Right Wing Presbyterian; hers United Methodist), we both felt we had good values that came from our religious upbringings that we would want for our daughter.
So, we have embarked on a journey to find a church we could call ours, where both moms feel comfortable, and preferably one with a good children's program that has other families like ours. Seems to be a much harder task than we would like. Can't we just join a church and be done with the search?
Apparently not.
I should begin this discussion with saying that our daughter has liked every church program we have been to so far. But, at this age, her vote doesn't count since she is basing it on how much fun she is having or what kind of toys the churches have.
Let me run down some of the comments me and the wife have made after visiting the prospective churches:
-not Jesusy enough
-too Jesusy
-not spiritual enough
-too new age
-the organs were way too loud, they shook our bones
-you can't hear yourself sing or think over the organs
-they won't marry us here; what would we tell our daughter
-the organ is too loud (I have no idea why so many of you like your organs sooo loud)
-the sanctuary smells moldy
-the childcare situation seemed very confusing
-the congregation is mostly old people
-the rituals are so different than what I am used to
-the minister is in transition, who knows who the next one will be
-this church seems like it wants it members to become full-time members--is that what we want?
-I couldn't figure out what they were singing--the lyrics seemed horrible
I can go on-and-on about all our comments. Suffice it to say we haven't decided on a church yet. Maybe we are making too much of a big deal about it. But, on the other hand, it does seem like a marriage we are looking for (this is our daughter's future, right).
Maybe her moms are just making excuses, or maybe we need to continue our quest to find a church that feels right. Perhaps this is similar to the idea of finding the perfect mate, which often leads people on a lonely path. Both moms definitely agree we have issues from our religious histories that are impeding our decision.
Would other people dismiss a church over the organs being too loud? I don't know, but by the time we left there you would have thought we had been in Iraq experiencing PTSD. Clearly, both moms have some version of church PTSD. Our mission is to either work through that, or find some place that doesn't trigger those feelings for us.
The journey continues....
For me, the easiest way seemed to bring up Heaven and God, which led to discussions of Christmas, Baby Jesus, and so on. We did not realize a few weeks back that we would be tackling tough questions about religion for our daughter. Though I am sure many parents have this figured out before they even have a child, we must admit we didn't give it any thought.
So, me and the wife had several serious conversations about religion and what we wanted for our daughter. We both decided that though we both felt scarred from our own religious upbringings (mine Far Right Wing Presbyterian; hers United Methodist), we both felt we had good values that came from our religious upbringings that we would want for our daughter.
So, we have embarked on a journey to find a church we could call ours, where both moms feel comfortable, and preferably one with a good children's program that has other families like ours. Seems to be a much harder task than we would like. Can't we just join a church and be done with the search?
Apparently not.
I should begin this discussion with saying that our daughter has liked every church program we have been to so far. But, at this age, her vote doesn't count since she is basing it on how much fun she is having or what kind of toys the churches have.
Let me run down some of the comments me and the wife have made after visiting the prospective churches:
-not Jesusy enough
-too Jesusy
-not spiritual enough
-too new age
-the organs were way too loud, they shook our bones
-you can't hear yourself sing or think over the organs
-they won't marry us here; what would we tell our daughter
-the organ is too loud (I have no idea why so many of you like your organs sooo loud)
-the sanctuary smells moldy
-the childcare situation seemed very confusing
-the congregation is mostly old people
-the rituals are so different than what I am used to
-the minister is in transition, who knows who the next one will be
-this church seems like it wants it members to become full-time members--is that what we want?
-I couldn't figure out what they were singing--the lyrics seemed horrible
I can go on-and-on about all our comments. Suffice it to say we haven't decided on a church yet. Maybe we are making too much of a big deal about it. But, on the other hand, it does seem like a marriage we are looking for (this is our daughter's future, right).
Maybe her moms are just making excuses, or maybe we need to continue our quest to find a church that feels right. Perhaps this is similar to the idea of finding the perfect mate, which often leads people on a lonely path. Both moms definitely agree we have issues from our religious histories that are impeding our decision.
Would other people dismiss a church over the organs being too loud? I don't know, but by the time we left there you would have thought we had been in Iraq experiencing PTSD. Clearly, both moms have some version of church PTSD. Our mission is to either work through that, or find some place that doesn't trigger those feelings for us.
The journey continues....
McCain on Gay Adoption
According to a New York Times article (7/13/08), this is Senator McCain's view on gay adoption:
Mr. McCain, who with his wife, Cindy, has an adopted daughter, said flatly that he opposed allowing gay couples to adopt. “I think that we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no, I don’t believe in gay adoption,” he said.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Do right by your children
Last week, we held our fantastic "Creating a Family: Choices for Prospective LGBT Parent's" workshop. We added an extra session to the workshop attempting to address the "are you ready" to be a parent session. There is so much to cover on this topic, I realize now I wasn't sure what I wanted our participants to walk away with is such a succinct effort to reach their minds.
After a week of reflection and happenings in my life, I want to stress to people how life-changing bringing a child into your life is. Now for me, I would say even with all the sacrifices, poop, and vomit, it is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me. I wouldn't trade it for anything even though I miss taking naps and sleeping in something terrible.
It is an awesome charge to be responsible for the development of a little being. There are so many decisions. So much of my brain energy is occupied by my daughter, whether she is with me or not. It is so easy to lose your existence when a child comes along. Though, I like being my daughter's mother way better than my previous life when it was so much more about me.
Recently, I have talked with a number of individuals and couples who have worried me about their decisions to become parents. Please, let me premise this with I do not think I am some supreme authority on child-rearing, but I have had 3 years of it to know a few things.
1. if you have problems in your relationship, adding a child will not improve it. It will likely make it worse, and then leave the child with the possible loss of one of those parents.
2. if one person in the relationship is not really interested in having a child, you are probably setting yourself up for some difficult crap in your relationship and as parents. I can't imagine if my wife did not equally love our daughter in those tough moments of parenting (which can be everyday for a while). I know we all have our roles, but we really need to equally want it.
3. when thinking of having children, remember they are what is most important. Not you, not your partner, or anyone else. Every decision you make affects them. Don't have a child with someone you are unsure of and then leave them, leaving your child without one of its original parents, or at best, in a difficult child-sharing arrangement. As a parent, I totally get why people stay together for the good of the children (granted, there are some situations that this is clearly not good for the children). I didn't get why people did that when I was younger.
4. parenting is about being selfless much of the time. I don't now that you can ever prepare for how far you go with being selfless, but just know it should be a big part of your identity.
5. I know many of you probably think I am being ridiculous with my above statements, but I have to say I expect more from us as parents, and I absolutely want the best for our children no matter the sacrifices we have to make.
We don't have a nice little legal system that is going to adequately help our children when our relationships fail, so we need to be better than our crazy-acting-out heterosexual peers and do right by our children no matter what. That said, don't have children if you are not prepared to do right by your children. Don't have children if your relationship is broken--fix it first, even if the clock is ticking.
Parenting is one of the most rewarding roles we will have on this earth. We are helping create little beings. It is an awesome responsibility that shouldn't be taken lightly.
So many of us are GREAT parents. Our kids deserve us being great for them with all the other shit in the world we can't control for them. We can control the love we show them, the decisions we make for them, and whether we are doing right by them.
Yell at me if you want, but do right by your children always.
After a week of reflection and happenings in my life, I want to stress to people how life-changing bringing a child into your life is. Now for me, I would say even with all the sacrifices, poop, and vomit, it is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me. I wouldn't trade it for anything even though I miss taking naps and sleeping in something terrible.
It is an awesome charge to be responsible for the development of a little being. There are so many decisions. So much of my brain energy is occupied by my daughter, whether she is with me or not. It is so easy to lose your existence when a child comes along. Though, I like being my daughter's mother way better than my previous life when it was so much more about me.
Recently, I have talked with a number of individuals and couples who have worried me about their decisions to become parents. Please, let me premise this with I do not think I am some supreme authority on child-rearing, but I have had 3 years of it to know a few things.
1. if you have problems in your relationship, adding a child will not improve it. It will likely make it worse, and then leave the child with the possible loss of one of those parents.
2. if one person in the relationship is not really interested in having a child, you are probably setting yourself up for some difficult crap in your relationship and as parents. I can't imagine if my wife did not equally love our daughter in those tough moments of parenting (which can be everyday for a while). I know we all have our roles, but we really need to equally want it.
3. when thinking of having children, remember they are what is most important. Not you, not your partner, or anyone else. Every decision you make affects them. Don't have a child with someone you are unsure of and then leave them, leaving your child without one of its original parents, or at best, in a difficult child-sharing arrangement. As a parent, I totally get why people stay together for the good of the children (granted, there are some situations that this is clearly not good for the children). I didn't get why people did that when I was younger.
4. parenting is about being selfless much of the time. I don't now that you can ever prepare for how far you go with being selfless, but just know it should be a big part of your identity.
5. I know many of you probably think I am being ridiculous with my above statements, but I have to say I expect more from us as parents, and I absolutely want the best for our children no matter the sacrifices we have to make.
We don't have a nice little legal system that is going to adequately help our children when our relationships fail, so we need to be better than our crazy-acting-out heterosexual peers and do right by our children no matter what. That said, don't have children if you are not prepared to do right by your children. Don't have children if your relationship is broken--fix it first, even if the clock is ticking.
Parenting is one of the most rewarding roles we will have on this earth. We are helping create little beings. It is an awesome responsibility that shouldn't be taken lightly.
So many of us are GREAT parents. Our kids deserve us being great for them with all the other shit in the world we can't control for them. We can control the love we show them, the decisions we make for them, and whether we are doing right by them.
Yell at me if you want, but do right by your children always.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Imagine thousands of beautiful fans cheering for YOU!
If you are reading this blog, chances are that you are a member of the LGBTQ community and that you are family-centered (whether you have kids, want to have kids, or not). If you are not part of this population, then perhaps you have a loved one who is, and you support his/her/their human rights. Moreover, you are either a MEGA member, potential MEGA member, or some bored individual who doesn't know how you wound up on this page anyway. If, indeed, you are a MEGA member and/or interested in the organization, read on...
So, June is Pride Month (though our Pride is in July this year). This is the time of year that gay rights tend to be at the apex of their promotion. Pride is especially important to me. No, it isn't only because women in sports bras tend to wrestle with me on the grass (well, there may be none of that this year anyway), but it's because I truly support the cause. There was a time in my life, not even a decade ago, that I didn't have the courage to have pride. Looking back, I'm not sure what was so frightening...I'm just glad I finally came to terms with it all. Better late than never.
One of the neat things about embracing my sexual orientation is that I realized that many key apspects of my life haven't changed from my "straight-wannabe" years. I'm still a mother, and I still value the time with my kids, raising them, etc. Though the person I am terribly in love with is a woman, I have values similar to those women who love men. I want to raise healthy, happy children. I work hard for the roof over our heads, and I enjoy life similarly as many heterosexuals. There's nothing to be ashamed of, but much to be proud of.
This is where I get to the part where I imagine we are all celebrities, being cheered for on the streets...folks, I strongly encourage you to not only attend Pride this year and support the cause (We won't achieve equality by sitting out.), but also to show your spirit in the parade!!!! Bring your kids! We can decorate bikes, wagons, scooters, etc! If nothing else, consider it your exercise for the day. MEGA is more than just the people who give out the cool yellow bumper stickers!! We are an organization working hard for equal treatment for ALL families. Don't you want to come out and show America that we are normal families with values that promote a strong society?
So, June is Pride Month (though our Pride is in July this year). This is the time of year that gay rights tend to be at the apex of their promotion. Pride is especially important to me. No, it isn't only because women in sports bras tend to wrestle with me on the grass (well, there may be none of that this year anyway), but it's because I truly support the cause. There was a time in my life, not even a decade ago, that I didn't have the courage to have pride. Looking back, I'm not sure what was so frightening...I'm just glad I finally came to terms with it all. Better late than never.
One of the neat things about embracing my sexual orientation is that I realized that many key apspects of my life haven't changed from my "straight-wannabe" years. I'm still a mother, and I still value the time with my kids, raising them, etc. Though the person I am terribly in love with is a woman, I have values similar to those women who love men. I want to raise healthy, happy children. I work hard for the roof over our heads, and I enjoy life similarly as many heterosexuals. There's nothing to be ashamed of, but much to be proud of.
This is where I get to the part where I imagine we are all celebrities, being cheered for on the streets...folks, I strongly encourage you to not only attend Pride this year and support the cause (We won't achieve equality by sitting out.), but also to show your spirit in the parade!!!! Bring your kids! We can decorate bikes, wagons, scooters, etc! If nothing else, consider it your exercise for the day. MEGA is more than just the people who give out the cool yellow bumper stickers!! We are an organization working hard for equal treatment for ALL families. Don't you want to come out and show America that we are normal families with values that promote a strong society?
Monday, May 26, 2008
Thoughts on Memorial Day
I'm not a fan of war...in fact, I'm not a fan of any kind of fights. Anytime I've witnessed others fighting, I become ill as my stomach turns somersaults and my head feels faint. I just don't like the idea, or the results, of harming another person.
I do realize, at times, that it happens. Perhaps it has even been unavoidable. I don't claim to be a history buff, but I know the U.S. tried very hard to stay out of World Wars I and II, only to be sucked in after an attack. If I recall correctly, it was the sinking of the Lusitania that drew us into the first world war, and the bombing of Pearl Harbor that dragged us into the second. After offenses like those, what else could we do but fight? Opinions differ about our present war, but that's beside the point.
I just LOVE me some military women! I don't know what it is about the uniform, which makes a hot woman even hotter! In fact, I've done all branches except for the Air Force and the Coast Guard. Hahaha! I guess this makes me military by association. But, these days, and for the past nearly two years, there's a certain sergeant who's had my attention...and eventually became the woman I know I was meant to live my life with.
I always support the troops whether I agree with war or not. Though some troops volunteer to go to war, most are sent there. It's part of what they agreed to when they signed up for the armed forces. Sure, many join for the college fund, for the experience, or like Kristin, because they were in a "I don't know what to do with myself and I'm going to show myself I can do this" phase, and were searching for something. Very rarely does one sign up because they love fighting wars. However, the probability of being sent to war is rather high these days.
For those readers who have been in the military, or like me, are a "military spouse," you know that these soldiers are owned by the government. They go where the military sends them. Yeah, you can have some say in the matter, from time to time. For example, Kristin volunteered to go to Korea (as our friendship was budding, before we got together...gosh, I remember feeling crushed when she told me she did this), because it allowed her to choose to return to the post she was stationed before leaving (meaning she will be near me again). Also, it allowed her to avoid the nearly inevitable...an involuntary deployment to Iraq. So, sometimes, there is a choice, but overall there is not. For example, they took her leave from her (because they said they were short-staffed), and she cannot come home for Pride. She also found out there is the possibility of being extended in Korea, and there's also a chance they won't follow through with her choice of returning to her previous post. So, she has very little control until she gets out in 2009. However, should they determine they can't afford to lose her, OR if within 3 or so years they decide they need her back, she will have no choice but to drop what she's doing and return. So...ultimately, the Army has her life for quite a while.
Alright, so ANY soldier makes a sacrifice for our country, even if they aren't at war. There is a personal sacrifice on the soldier and the soldier's loved ones. Now, let's take it a step further. I read with interest, some interviews on some older African-American gentlemen. They spoke of how Memorial Day is personal for them...something they celebrate in their own heads...but nothing they care to partake in. These men were from the segregation generation, and they spoke of how their units were not afforded the same "luxuries" as the white units. Though I don't recall specifically what the differences were, I remember thinking, "Gosh, that's not fair at all!" I remembered thinking how dare the government expect these men to fight for our freedom only to be denied civil liberties and equal rights back home.
And then I thought some more...we currently have many gays in the military. Some are fine with their lack of rights. They have no problem living in the closet, keeping it all to themselves. For those with families, though, it's been quite an issue. For others, though, like Kristin, this IS a problem. And, I'll tell you why it didn't really hit her until she had a family.
When she first joined the Army, she actually ended a relationship over "Don't ask, don't tell." Fast forward to a couple of years later, and then I came into the picture. This is when her lack of equal rights really hit her and she determined she'd no longer be swayed by them. She even came out to her commander while stationed in GA, but he said he didn't care. Upon arriving in Korea, and going to briefing after briefing where they've discussed allowing families to accompany their soldiers, it bothered her. She would ask in her mind, "What about my family?"
Aside from the fact that she's underpaid at the single rate, that it's on me to furnish all the medical coverage for myself and the kids...aside from all the financial aspects, which is okay, because I'm I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do ya know what I mean? (Haha, does anybody actually know this song?) Anyway, aside from all this, we've come across other complications along the way. First of all, should the Army decide to change her post (after Korea), it will mean nothing to them that they are taking her away from me and the kids. If we were straight, though, they would just move us as well. Also, when I visited her in Korea, I had to go through a comprehensive check-in and check-out process everytime we came on and off post. Had I been a straight military spouse, though, I'd have my own ID card. In fact, I could have rode the shuttle directly in from the airport...for free! Of course, the former issue is much larger than the latter...but it's just things that we encounter day-by-day. It has really put our relationship to a major test. We both have tendencies to run from relationships (actually, she runs and I just push them to leave me...great combo, right?), so even with the complications, the fact that we still talk numerous times everyday and intend to have a life together says a lot. We know we have something that we only share with each other...and though this is conceited, we feel we have something unexplainable a lot of couples don't. That might just be our bias, but it's how we feel.
So...it's been nearly 8 months, and on some days, I still cry just as hard as I did the day she left. Yeah, I'm one of those pitiful emotional types. Haha. You know, I even had the privilege of visiting her, and it didn't seem to make the distance any easier. This wasn't one of those "love and lose" relationships...this is the real deal. So...yeah, I have to admit, everything feels incomplete without her. No, I don't sit and mope. I can't just stop living. I get out, have fun, and spend time with the kids and with friends. Yet, there's nothing I do that wouldn't be better if she were here with us. Sometimes, we call and text while I'm out and about to help her stay engaged. Yeah...that's been our version of spending time together for the past 8 months.
As I get pitiful about my personal experience as a military "spouse," I have to scold myself, too. I know how bad it feels today, thinking we have over 4 months left...thinking about the missed birthdays, doing Pride without her, etc. But, here on Memorial Day, I think, "Gosh Brandi, you are such a loser. Some people will never get to see their soldier again."
I guess that really puts it in perspective for me.
I do realize, at times, that it happens. Perhaps it has even been unavoidable. I don't claim to be a history buff, but I know the U.S. tried very hard to stay out of World Wars I and II, only to be sucked in after an attack. If I recall correctly, it was the sinking of the Lusitania that drew us into the first world war, and the bombing of Pearl Harbor that dragged us into the second. After offenses like those, what else could we do but fight? Opinions differ about our present war, but that's beside the point.
I just LOVE me some military women! I don't know what it is about the uniform, which makes a hot woman even hotter! In fact, I've done all branches except for the Air Force and the Coast Guard. Hahaha! I guess this makes me military by association. But, these days, and for the past nearly two years, there's a certain sergeant who's had my attention...and eventually became the woman I know I was meant to live my life with.
I always support the troops whether I agree with war or not. Though some troops volunteer to go to war, most are sent there. It's part of what they agreed to when they signed up for the armed forces. Sure, many join for the college fund, for the experience, or like Kristin, because they were in a "I don't know what to do with myself and I'm going to show myself I can do this" phase, and were searching for something. Very rarely does one sign up because they love fighting wars. However, the probability of being sent to war is rather high these days.
For those readers who have been in the military, or like me, are a "military spouse," you know that these soldiers are owned by the government. They go where the military sends them. Yeah, you can have some say in the matter, from time to time. For example, Kristin volunteered to go to Korea (as our friendship was budding, before we got together...gosh, I remember feeling crushed when she told me she did this), because it allowed her to choose to return to the post she was stationed before leaving (meaning she will be near me again). Also, it allowed her to avoid the nearly inevitable...an involuntary deployment to Iraq. So, sometimes, there is a choice, but overall there is not. For example, they took her leave from her (because they said they were short-staffed), and she cannot come home for Pride. She also found out there is the possibility of being extended in Korea, and there's also a chance they won't follow through with her choice of returning to her previous post. So, she has very little control until she gets out in 2009. However, should they determine they can't afford to lose her, OR if within 3 or so years they decide they need her back, she will have no choice but to drop what she's doing and return. So...ultimately, the Army has her life for quite a while.
Alright, so ANY soldier makes a sacrifice for our country, even if they aren't at war. There is a personal sacrifice on the soldier and the soldier's loved ones. Now, let's take it a step further. I read with interest, some interviews on some older African-American gentlemen. They spoke of how Memorial Day is personal for them...something they celebrate in their own heads...but nothing they care to partake in. These men were from the segregation generation, and they spoke of how their units were not afforded the same "luxuries" as the white units. Though I don't recall specifically what the differences were, I remember thinking, "Gosh, that's not fair at all!" I remembered thinking how dare the government expect these men to fight for our freedom only to be denied civil liberties and equal rights back home.
And then I thought some more...we currently have many gays in the military. Some are fine with their lack of rights. They have no problem living in the closet, keeping it all to themselves. For those with families, though, it's been quite an issue. For others, though, like Kristin, this IS a problem. And, I'll tell you why it didn't really hit her until she had a family.
When she first joined the Army, she actually ended a relationship over "Don't ask, don't tell." Fast forward to a couple of years later, and then I came into the picture. This is when her lack of equal rights really hit her and she determined she'd no longer be swayed by them. She even came out to her commander while stationed in GA, but he said he didn't care. Upon arriving in Korea, and going to briefing after briefing where they've discussed allowing families to accompany their soldiers, it bothered her. She would ask in her mind, "What about my family?"
Aside from the fact that she's underpaid at the single rate, that it's on me to furnish all the medical coverage for myself and the kids...aside from all the financial aspects, which is okay, because I'm I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do ya know what I mean? (Haha, does anybody actually know this song?) Anyway, aside from all this, we've come across other complications along the way. First of all, should the Army decide to change her post (after Korea), it will mean nothing to them that they are taking her away from me and the kids. If we were straight, though, they would just move us as well. Also, when I visited her in Korea, I had to go through a comprehensive check-in and check-out process everytime we came on and off post. Had I been a straight military spouse, though, I'd have my own ID card. In fact, I could have rode the shuttle directly in from the airport...for free! Of course, the former issue is much larger than the latter...but it's just things that we encounter day-by-day. It has really put our relationship to a major test. We both have tendencies to run from relationships (actually, she runs and I just push them to leave me...great combo, right?), so even with the complications, the fact that we still talk numerous times everyday and intend to have a life together says a lot. We know we have something that we only share with each other...and though this is conceited, we feel we have something unexplainable a lot of couples don't. That might just be our bias, but it's how we feel.
So...it's been nearly 8 months, and on some days, I still cry just as hard as I did the day she left. Yeah, I'm one of those pitiful emotional types. Haha. You know, I even had the privilege of visiting her, and it didn't seem to make the distance any easier. This wasn't one of those "love and lose" relationships...this is the real deal. So...yeah, I have to admit, everything feels incomplete without her. No, I don't sit and mope. I can't just stop living. I get out, have fun, and spend time with the kids and with friends. Yet, there's nothing I do that wouldn't be better if she were here with us. Sometimes, we call and text while I'm out and about to help her stay engaged. Yeah...that's been our version of spending time together for the past 8 months.
As I get pitiful about my personal experience as a military "spouse," I have to scold myself, too. I know how bad it feels today, thinking we have over 4 months left...thinking about the missed birthdays, doing Pride without her, etc. But, here on Memorial Day, I think, "Gosh Brandi, you are such a loser. Some people will never get to see their soldier again."
I guess that really puts it in perspective for me.
Friday, May 16, 2008
California Supreme Court Declares Marriage Legal for Same-Sex Couples
On May 15th, the California Supreme Court declared marriage legal for same-sex couples in California, citing the domestic partnership system in place in California was the equivalent of second-class citizenship and NOT the same as marriage. Couples are expected to be able to marry in 30 days! And unlike Massachusetts, couples from anywhere in the country can go to California to get married, though most of our home states aren't expected to recognize our marriages from California.On this truly historic decision, I can't help but get excited for all my friends and fellow activists who have been working for years to legalize marriage in California. I think of how happy they were in 2004 when Mayor Gavin Newsom opened the doors of marriage to them, and the tears they shed when their marriages were overturned and tossed aside as if their families didn't matter. It is wonderful to turn on CNN and see so many of those same people celebrating their love as if it were 2004 again.
It is not 2004 though, and since then, many Americans have had the opportunity to see that the marriages of same-sex couples in Massachusetts have had no dooms-day affect on the country or their own marriages for that matter.
Those of us in the activist world expect right-wing groups like the Family Research Council and others to take on a MAJOR offensive in California to try to change the state's Constitution to ban marriage by same-sex couples. We will see money pour into this campaign like no anti-marriage campaign in the past because the right-wing realizes if they lose this battle, the game is over. Already, they realize they are losing the battle, and this really is their last stand.
Meanwhile, gay and lesbian couples will marry in California to celebrate their love and gain the protections and responsibilities that go with marriage. Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have said they will marry. I imagine we will see a host of other celebrities walk down the isle, but more importantly, we will see everyday people marry and gain the legal protections and respect their relationships deserve. It is the everyday people who are neighbors, co-workers, PTA members, etc. who will win over the support of Californians when it gets to the ballot box.
Thankfully, this time Governor Schwarzenegger has said he will not support a Constitutional ban on gay marriage. Let's hope many others will follow suit and do the right thing for our families in California.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Your mama's so gay, she thought the Home Depot was a dating service!
To make a terribly long, complicated story a little shorter, I "came out of the closet" a little later than most. I was 27!!!!! After growing up in a super right-wing family (and I mean EXTREMELY conservative views), and constantly battling myself from within, I finally decided to just be me...and that includes being a lesbian. No, it doesn't define me, but it is a huge part of me. Of course, this affects my dating life, my civil rights, and to some extent, it involves my children. Anyway, my point is that when I was much younger, I went to great lengths to try and make myself be the person I thought I was supposed to be. I didn't realize that being gay was actually normal; I thought I was just having devilishly temptuous thoughts. So, I got married, and for reasons unrelated to my sexual orientation, I got divorced.
The divorce came seven and a half years after the marriage. In that time, I grew a lot in my mind and spirit, and pretty much overcame any "hang-ups" about going to hell, being sinful, etc. Oddly enough, I learned a lot about myself while getting my degrees in psychology (which, oddly enough, was intended to serve as training to help others). At any rate, upon divorce, I felt free to roll with nature, and to make decisions based on how I feel. Ever since then, in 2002, I can say my intuition has grown exponentially, and so many other doors to my existence opened.
At the time, my children were ages 3 and 5. It wasn't long before I found my first girlfriend, and we were definitely not meant to live our lives together. So...I'd see her at school, work, and on my "grown-up weekends." In the event she came around the kids, they had no idea we were more than friends. Thus, I didn't approach the issue with them. I still wasn't totally sure what to make of my new relationship let alone what to tell the kids about it.
The first girlfriend saga didn't even last a whole year. Yet, I was certain I was gay and not bisexual, and I knew that I'd continue to date women. I thought, for a while, about how I'd approach the issue with the children. I contemplated between two extremes. I figured on one hand, I could wait until I had a meaningful relationship, with partner-potential, to even bother discussing the issue. On the other hand, I thought the younger they are, the better.
After another relationship failed a year or so later, I knew it may be years (or never) before I actually settled with a partner. I thought about how the kids could actually be grown and moved away before I find this in my life. That would be absolutely terrible, to come out with something that late in life. And besides, I was out of the closet with all the adults in my life and I had grown comfortable with being a lesbian. So...one day, when the kids (ages 6 and 4 at the time) were playing with their Barbies and super heroes, they paired them up with each other and said they were "getting married." I noticed all "couples" were opposite sex, so I took the opportunity to say the following:
"You know kids...most boys have girlfriends and most girls have boyfriends, but some boys have boyfriends and some girls have girlfriends."
"Really?" they both responded.
"Yes," I confirmed.
And to that, they went on with their play session. They weren't so shocked by my statement. So, about a week or two later, I had another opening, and I asked the kids what they would think if Mommy had a girlfriend. Morghan's response was, "You do! It's (the name of ex-girlfriend #2)." My jaw dropped at the realization that Morghan already knew.
Fast-forwarding to the present day...Morghan is nearly 11 and begins middle school in August. Chandler will turn 9 over the summer and become a big bad 4th grader. Both have known for years that I'm a lesbian, and as the time progresses, my appearance "looks more gay." Haha! I'm completely open about this with everyone except for my students. Of course, most have picked up on it (Come on, most are street-wise alternative school students), and it's no big deal (even though sexual orientation is not included in the school system's EOE statement...different topic, different blog).
So, what's the problem? The kids very rarely feel comfortable being open with their friends about my "lesbionic ways." I mean, I know at their age, they probably won't. I've never encouraged them either way, I've only said it is completely up to them what they say to their friends. Before Kristin was shipped off overseas, they'd just say she was my friend. Some kids even mistook her for a guy. I don't know how, though. She's way too pretty (no offense to men, of course). In fact, she was in the top ten for Miss New York after being crowned the winner in two different beauty pageants. Anyway...some of the kids back in Augusta would ask my children if she was their dad. Hahahahaha!
Kristin has been away most of this school year, and I'm not totally sure if she's ever coming back to be with us, the way we were before. This actually saddens the kids as much as it does me. But, that's beside the point. The point is that the kids haven't seen me behave romantically with a woman since then, but they seem to have grown more sensitive to what their peers think...especially my soon-to-be 6th grader! At an informational meeting at her future middle school, I jokingly whispered something about admitting I'm gay, and she looked horrified, as if it would be the worst thing ever. I just looked at her and said, "You have to know I won't do that."
Later that evening, I had a discussion with Morghan. I told her my position on my "gayness" and hoped it helped:
It's still up to you what you say to your friends or what you don't say to them. I will never go out of my way to embarrass you. I will not walk into your school, announcing anyone is my partner or holding hands or kissing them. You never have to worry about that. At the same time, though, I'm not going to pretend that I'm someone I'm not. I will not grow my hair longer or try to be girly just to make myself look less gay. I already tried that, and I wasn't myself. You know I've always encouraged you and your brother to be yourselves and all I can be is myself.
So, that was it, and the topic hasn't come up since then. I feel very much loved by my children, and I know they feel loved and safe with me. My intentions were to relieve Morghan of any worries of embarrassment (because that is probably the worst thing that can happen to a middle schooler...to be embarrassed...like OMG or something...TOTALLY!). I also wanted her to realize she had control in what information she gave her friends...it's nobody's business anyway, and she doesn't owe them an explanation. At the same time, though, I feel the need to give her something I didn't have: an example of self-comfort. I was never encouraged to be myself, and looking back, I can see where my Nana (the woman whose home I grew up in) had ideas about how I was supposed to be...her ideas and my reality are very far apart.
I hope I have not compromised the gay rights movement by telling her it was okay not to acknowledge my sexual orientation. At the same time, I feel it's a comfort she must come to naturally. She's a very loving, tolerant person, who finds any type of discrimination appalling. I think right now, though, her need to avoid any potential teasing (because middle schoolers can be meaner than ex-girlfriends...haha) wins out over her belief in justice for all.
The divorce came seven and a half years after the marriage. In that time, I grew a lot in my mind and spirit, and pretty much overcame any "hang-ups" about going to hell, being sinful, etc. Oddly enough, I learned a lot about myself while getting my degrees in psychology (which, oddly enough, was intended to serve as training to help others). At any rate, upon divorce, I felt free to roll with nature, and to make decisions based on how I feel. Ever since then, in 2002, I can say my intuition has grown exponentially, and so many other doors to my existence opened.
At the time, my children were ages 3 and 5. It wasn't long before I found my first girlfriend, and we were definitely not meant to live our lives together. So...I'd see her at school, work, and on my "grown-up weekends." In the event she came around the kids, they had no idea we were more than friends. Thus, I didn't approach the issue with them. I still wasn't totally sure what to make of my new relationship let alone what to tell the kids about it.
The first girlfriend saga didn't even last a whole year. Yet, I was certain I was gay and not bisexual, and I knew that I'd continue to date women. I thought, for a while, about how I'd approach the issue with the children. I contemplated between two extremes. I figured on one hand, I could wait until I had a meaningful relationship, with partner-potential, to even bother discussing the issue. On the other hand, I thought the younger they are, the better.
After another relationship failed a year or so later, I knew it may be years (or never) before I actually settled with a partner. I thought about how the kids could actually be grown and moved away before I find this in my life. That would be absolutely terrible, to come out with something that late in life. And besides, I was out of the closet with all the adults in my life and I had grown comfortable with being a lesbian. So...one day, when the kids (ages 6 and 4 at the time) were playing with their Barbies and super heroes, they paired them up with each other and said they were "getting married." I noticed all "couples" were opposite sex, so I took the opportunity to say the following:
"You know kids...most boys have girlfriends and most girls have boyfriends, but some boys have boyfriends and some girls have girlfriends."
"Really?" they both responded.
"Yes," I confirmed.
And to that, they went on with their play session. They weren't so shocked by my statement. So, about a week or two later, I had another opening, and I asked the kids what they would think if Mommy had a girlfriend. Morghan's response was, "You do! It's (the name of ex-girlfriend #2)." My jaw dropped at the realization that Morghan already knew.
Fast-forwarding to the present day...Morghan is nearly 11 and begins middle school in August. Chandler will turn 9 over the summer and become a big bad 4th grader. Both have known for years that I'm a lesbian, and as the time progresses, my appearance "looks more gay." Haha! I'm completely open about this with everyone except for my students. Of course, most have picked up on it (Come on, most are street-wise alternative school students), and it's no big deal (even though sexual orientation is not included in the school system's EOE statement...different topic, different blog).
So, what's the problem? The kids very rarely feel comfortable being open with their friends about my "lesbionic ways." I mean, I know at their age, they probably won't. I've never encouraged them either way, I've only said it is completely up to them what they say to their friends. Before Kristin was shipped off overseas, they'd just say she was my friend. Some kids even mistook her for a guy. I don't know how, though. She's way too pretty (no offense to men, of course). In fact, she was in the top ten for Miss New York after being crowned the winner in two different beauty pageants. Anyway...some of the kids back in Augusta would ask my children if she was their dad. Hahahahaha!
Kristin has been away most of this school year, and I'm not totally sure if she's ever coming back to be with us, the way we were before. This actually saddens the kids as much as it does me. But, that's beside the point. The point is that the kids haven't seen me behave romantically with a woman since then, but they seem to have grown more sensitive to what their peers think...especially my soon-to-be 6th grader! At an informational meeting at her future middle school, I jokingly whispered something about admitting I'm gay, and she looked horrified, as if it would be the worst thing ever. I just looked at her and said, "You have to know I won't do that."
Later that evening, I had a discussion with Morghan. I told her my position on my "gayness" and hoped it helped:
It's still up to you what you say to your friends or what you don't say to them. I will never go out of my way to embarrass you. I will not walk into your school, announcing anyone is my partner or holding hands or kissing them. You never have to worry about that. At the same time, though, I'm not going to pretend that I'm someone I'm not. I will not grow my hair longer or try to be girly just to make myself look less gay. I already tried that, and I wasn't myself. You know I've always encouraged you and your brother to be yourselves and all I can be is myself.
So, that was it, and the topic hasn't come up since then. I feel very much loved by my children, and I know they feel loved and safe with me. My intentions were to relieve Morghan of any worries of embarrassment (because that is probably the worst thing that can happen to a middle schooler...to be embarrassed...like OMG or something...TOTALLY!). I also wanted her to realize she had control in what information she gave her friends...it's nobody's business anyway, and she doesn't owe them an explanation. At the same time, though, I feel the need to give her something I didn't have: an example of self-comfort. I was never encouraged to be myself, and looking back, I can see where my Nana (the woman whose home I grew up in) had ideas about how I was supposed to be...her ideas and my reality are very far apart.
I hope I have not compromised the gay rights movement by telling her it was okay not to acknowledge my sexual orientation. At the same time, I feel it's a comfort she must come to naturally. She's a very loving, tolerant person, who finds any type of discrimination appalling. I think right now, though, her need to avoid any potential teasing (because middle schoolers can be meaner than ex-girlfriends...haha) wins out over her belief in justice for all.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Supporting the Team--the Atlanta Dream, that is!
My wife and I became WNBA fans back when we lived in Washington, DC. There, a new team had just started and there was a lot of buzz in the gay community about it. I was never before a big basketball fan, but somehow my wife and I were suddenly season ticket holders and die-hard WNBA fans.
Clearly a big part of the draw for us was that the stands were filled with lesbians (not so many gay men, but probably a handful), and families. We all got along wonderfully and had a great time at the games.
It has been no secret in the WNBA that many, if not all of the league teams are supported largely by the lesbian community. Without us, they would probably not survive.
So tonight, looking around Philip's Arena, it was so nice to see all the lesbians in the stands, the quick bond, smiles and nods between strangers. We who attend the games know we are part of a club. It's a great club to be in for many reasons, but the one that stood out to me tonight was our power.
I think one of the reasons so many of us come together and enjoy ourselves in this welcoming environment is because we have power. We are safe in our numbers at the game, so even though we may be sitting near someone with views that are non-accepting of us, we know they will not speak to us in that way because we are not the minority at these games. It is safe. It is fun. And it's great to follow the drama and stories that accompany women's basketball.
As a leader in this community who often struggles with the idea that we as a community don't try to grasp real power to help ourselves, I thought about how we may have unconsciously done so through the WNBA.
In Atlanta, the stands are clearly filled with lesbians (and at least two gay male couples), and we have the power to make or break this team. It also gives us a sense of empowerment that we can be who we are at these games.
With all this rambling, what I am trying to say is we need more of you to come out. Grab the power, join the club, and have some fun at this gay affirming venue. Let's make it really obvious who supports this team so it will be our team. Could you ever dream of us having the power to control the fate of a national sports team? We do. And this actually will help us in our drive for acceptance in this country.
Not only will straight people have the opportunity to meet gay people and realize were not so scary or bad, but we will gain tremendous respect from the business leaders in the community who need us to make this team survive and ultimately thrive. These are both important wins for us.
So, all that being said, I say come out to as many games as you can. Become a season ticket holder if you can. Buy your tickets for the home opener May 23rd through MEGA so we can show them our economic power. Folks, I may not have done the best job explaining this, but it matters.
Click here to purchase tickets for the MEGA block on May 23rd!
If you want to learn more about the Atlanta Dream, you can click here to go to their website!
**And on a side note to the LA Sparks and their fans--your team was rude and arrogant tonight! Though Candace Parker is probably one of the best players in the league, her arrogant, show-boating behavior was a disgrace. How disappointing to see her head down this path. I hope someone stops her and brings her back down to earth. With minutes left to a strangely close game, Candace, Lisa Leslie, and several other teammates were not even watching the game--they were dancing and watching various fans in the stands dance. They literally had their backs to the game, which is something I have never seen before in a team. How disrespectful to your teammates who WERE playing and to the Atlanta Dream who actually almost beat your team!
Still, it is a lot of fun, so come on out to the games!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
The answer doesn't always have to do with being GAY!
I had a really rough week this week. I broke down in Florida while there for some work and play. Repairs, rental car, frustrations, and then I came back to Atlanta to an overloaded in box, employees with unresolved issues, vendors and clients that needed my attention. My finances and emotions were pretty drained. My 15 year old daughter called Friday afternoon and at about the same time I actually realized just how RAW my emotions were from the previous week. "Daddy, there's this COOL concert and its ONLY $50, can you send the money?" That was the last thing I wanted to hear at that moment when I was an hour late leaving from work already and not having had the best week. I didn't handle it well. She knew I was not in a great mood.
I've spent a lot of time worrying about how my being gay affects my children who live in a very small town where I was very well known. I've worried about how their morals, values, and religious views are being formed living in an area where it is really NOT ok for your Dad to be gay. Luckily for me, I've been very well accepted or tolerated depending on the person. I still worry about them.
Friday afternoon I realized that with all my worries about being gay and how it affects my children, I let a hard week affect both of us more. How crazy is it that being gay has been a GOOD "status symbol" with her friends. She's doing a play right now where there are two of her high school buddies who are gay. How wonderful is that? What I sometimes forget is that being a Dad to my children is LEAST about my being gay and more about showing them the right way to handle bad days and weeks. Its about loving them no matter what. Friday reminded me that its also about how to correct the bad end to a bad week and showing my daughter that I'm human. At the end of the day, she sent me a text message that read: "Daddy, I don't tell you this enough but I love you more than you will ever know. "
All I know is that after I dried my tears, I thanked God for reminding me that sometimes you even have to tell your children you're sorry. What a great start to a weekend and a new week!
I've spent a lot of time worrying about how my being gay affects my children who live in a very small town where I was very well known. I've worried about how their morals, values, and religious views are being formed living in an area where it is really NOT ok for your Dad to be gay. Luckily for me, I've been very well accepted or tolerated depending on the person. I still worry about them.
Friday afternoon I realized that with all my worries about being gay and how it affects my children, I let a hard week affect both of us more. How crazy is it that being gay has been a GOOD "status symbol" with her friends. She's doing a play right now where there are two of her high school buddies who are gay. How wonderful is that? What I sometimes forget is that being a Dad to my children is LEAST about my being gay and more about showing them the right way to handle bad days and weeks. Its about loving them no matter what. Friday reminded me that its also about how to correct the bad end to a bad week and showing my daughter that I'm human. At the end of the day, she sent me a text message that read: "Daddy, I don't tell you this enough but I love you more than you will ever know. "
All I know is that after I dried my tears, I thanked God for reminding me that sometimes you even have to tell your children you're sorry. What a great start to a weekend and a new week!
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