I had a really rough week this week. I broke down in Florida while there for some work and play. Repairs, rental car, frustrations, and then I came back to Atlanta to an overloaded in box, employees with unresolved issues, vendors and clients that needed my attention. My finances and emotions were pretty drained. My 15 year old daughter called Friday afternoon and at about the same time I actually realized just how RAW my emotions were from the previous week. "Daddy, there's this COOL concert and its ONLY $50, can you send the money?" That was the last thing I wanted to hear at that moment when I was an hour late leaving from work already and not having had the best week. I didn't handle it well. She knew I was not in a great mood.
I've spent a lot of time worrying about how my being gay affects my children who live in a very small town where I was very well known. I've worried about how their morals, values, and religious views are being formed living in an area where it is really NOT ok for your Dad to be gay. Luckily for me, I've been very well accepted or tolerated depending on the person. I still worry about them.
Friday afternoon I realized that with all my worries about being gay and how it affects my children, I let a hard week affect both of us more. How crazy is it that being gay has been a GOOD "status symbol" with her friends. She's doing a play right now where there are two of her high school buddies who are gay. How wonderful is that? What I sometimes forget is that being a Dad to my children is LEAST about my being gay and more about showing them the right way to handle bad days and weeks. Its about loving them no matter what. Friday reminded me that its also about how to correct the bad end to a bad week and showing my daughter that I'm human. At the end of the day, she sent me a text message that read: "Daddy, I don't tell you this enough but I love you more than you will ever know. "
All I know is that after I dried my tears, I thanked God for reminding me that sometimes you even have to tell your children you're sorry. What a great start to a weekend and a new week!